...cai let's fuck them up together

worked at bowne last night 7pm - 7am, came home packed bag went straight to school. after school play dota then eat dinner until 9pm. that's...alot of awake hours. especially for me.

grumpy.

i know most of you are always shocked when i say things about my parents e.g. they're assholes or bitches. but the truth is noone can truly comprehend the amount of animousity that hangs in the air with my parents. they are truly mother fuckers. or father fuckers. whichever. maybe isaac knows.

dad picked me up. ask me whether i went to IT show. everything is fine, conversation is normal. then i said "i want to buy a camera". then everything went wrong. and this is why i reminded myself once again why i should stop talking to such judgemental assholes. they have this shitload of money issues with me. i have no idea how it started but till this point in time i've always been spending within my limit. i don't ask for more, i don't borrow money, i help out in the house. fuck them.

i said i've been giving serious thought to taking up photography, because i want to do events and stuff and help out in marketing. i personally think i've a flair/talent in design. at least more than average to work on. so i said i want to start off with a low end DSLR. my dad was like that's a shitload of money for such a stupid hobby. what kinda fuck heads say such things when it's something i'm passionate about. then he went on to say you wanna spend so much money on something that doesn't pay you. i'm like....uhhhh.... wtf you help out at the fucking orchard condo as the chairman and you don't get fucking paid then why you still so on to help out? then he diam diam. mother fucker.

best part is i didn't even ask him to buy the damn thing for me. i was gonna work it off myself. i told him why he spend money on good golf clubs. might as well get a satay stick go whack balls. cheaper that way. he say "oh i'm working what. working can afford. now you no income spend so much money". that's seriously something only a fucked up parent would say. i mean i'm in freaking university. i have events to help out with, clubs to organize activities with. so many chances to use this passion/talent. when i'm freaking working i'll be brain dead and tired everyday. which parent doesn't realize this? that university is the motherfucking highlight of a child's life. stupid retards i swear. they're so god damned tight. not liberal, getting old and fucking anal.

that's why i don't talk to them. in fact. i should stop trying at all. everytime i tell them something they just rip my ego away and throw it out the window. EVERYTIME.

the best part. i went home. thought my mom would understand but FUCK ME HOW COULD I MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER AGAIN?? mom was like so expensive blah balh balh. then she said you don't even take good photos. WAH. i'm like fuck you bitch i did a photography presentation. the prof is a photographer give me A+ what you want? my class all rate me 90+/100 for the project what you want? then she stubbornly went on ranting. RANTING. oh you know you uncle who and who, your friend this and that. use cheap camera also take nice picture. why can't you use cheap camera? it's not about the camera. you wanna start learning should start from cheap camera. then i tried explaining the difference in an SLR and that cheap plastic olympus sitting on my table, but obviously parents are so gone in their dino world they just can't comprehend. apparently unless she likes the picture then it's a good picture. fucking dinosaurs i tell you. like they call the CPU a modem. and the computer a machine. eh shaun the machine is spoilt go fix it. eh what's this tower thing. modem right. FUCK YOU.

when i did BGS project, i decided to open up to parents and tell them some of the problems i faced. namely i sent SIA an email about CSR and SIA brushed me off. when i told my mom this, first thing she said was "you didn't try hard enough". i was like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU PSYCHO FUCK UP???" i just can't put the emotion into words. i'm just soo soo apalled. i even emailed SIA at the correct dept. ETHICS DEPT. then my parents just think everything is my fault and i didn't try hard enough. how the hell do you live with people like this?

everyday i try my best to be the son they want. everyday i try to help out in everyway i can. i don't ask for anything at all. ANYTHING. no birthdays, no extra money, no please fetch me now. everyday they just think i'm more and more untrustworthy.

somemore. talking to my mom halfway, getting heated, she starts doing housework. walks here and there while i'm trying to convey a point. goes behind to do laundry. moment i stop, she sits down watch tv. FUCK YOU BITCH. whole day just complain that your son don't talk to his parents. I WONDER WHY. if you're always going to put down everything your son wants to do, why the hell would he want to tell you anything? why the hell would he want to talk to you?

at this rate, i'm going to move out. i just can't wait till i earn my first paycheck. first hints of freedom. it's been going on for too long.

i really don't get it. a passion. something i've put much thought into. something that means something to me. but they just have to make me live my life their way. every step of the way their way. no way. don't expect me to become loving when i start working. when freedom calls, i'm bailing bitches.