what

ord tmr

jianhong the weight lifter. current weight: GREG. 

jianhong sending greg flying through my kitchen wall... look at the smiles. 

ANGER

cai's outburst of anger,
is beyond wistful facade.

he seeks not to berate,
but only to Lib-erate.

deep down inside,
we all wish something to placate.

but there is no need to proliferate,
a situation that has ceased to exacerbate.

you, and i both well know,
that friendships arent easily made.

but occasionally, having failed to anticipate,
is a mistake, mere mortals like us inherantly make.

the day where diplomacy fails.

i guess diplomacy doesn't work very well amongst friends these days. and i do agree that sorry cures very few things. especially your post. but i wasn't even gonna ask for an apology for such a cutting post and i knew i won't get one but the last thing i wanted out of your outburst was another 'eugene lau' incident. we all remember that don't we? hey, all i requested was that you take back your words and remove your post. i msn-ed you about it and i sms-ed you about it early in the morning almost 10 hours ago. it's impossible that you could've missed it. and i remember i was darn polite about it too. but no response. no reply. no removal. sadly, it has to come to this.

if you're looking for a fight, i'm sorry to disappoint but you're not getting any. i've grown past that pissed off, all guns-ablazing, mowing down everyone phase. it doesn't do anyone good, except a temporary relieve to your own mind. sure i agree, it feels pretty damn good afterwards. i should know. i was probably this blog's founder of outbursts of insanity. but at least when my rants come, you know it. cos before i got home, i'll already be spewing all my nonsense at everyone. and when you see my outburst on the blog, you'd know what's going on. but this is so unexpected, especially when you were all smiles and joking with me at megapool. even said a very nice and polite 'bye' before you left. only for me to come home and see my back stabbed in blood on the blog.

you know what? i'm not even pissed at you. i'm not gonna attack anyone, neither am i gonna defend anyone. cos i'm beyond that. i'm thrown straight into disappointment cos i had imagined in you, a friend who understood. a friend who appreciated. a friend who could be depended upon for level-headed advice. a friend who'd learnt from his mistakes after damaging another friendship not too long ago in the past. but i guess i was wrong.

well, regardless, i shall maintain my poise of diplomacy, cos anger isn't really my cup of tea now. i passed it on to someone else apparently. i'm a talking sort of guy now, you want to sort things out come look for me. straight for me. we'll have a cup of mocha frap, rhumba frap or whatever frap you want and settle our differences.

i do maintain that sorry cures very few things. and these below aren't meant to cure any. it's just a reflection of what i feel after read your post:

i feel sorry, that i told you i wanted a game with you, after you kept the table, because i meant it.
i feel sorry, that i couldn't come down for the run, cos i didn't expect you all to want to dally in NSC for awhile. a 10km run with you guys could be done without problems otherwise. i should've thought you might've wanted to mingle with your sailing friends abit at NSC, but i didn't. my bad.
i feel sorry, that i brought myself to parkway to meet you guys, in hope to join you all for something only for you all to leave and go home to flame me.
i feel sorry, that my efforts to try and join your activities the best i can, aren't appreciated by you all. at all.
lastly, i feel sorry, that my efforts to bring you all together for an activity was met with failure, because i was ill and couldn't confirm with you until i have recovered. by the time i have confirmed, you've decided on something else.

i regret things have to come here. if i had a choice it wouldn't. if only you had responded to my words in the morning i wouldn't have felt a need to express myself on the blog. if it's anything, my words in the morning still stands. remove your post and i shall remove mine, along with any negative sentiments that stem from your post. and remember, next time you have a problem with me, just come find me straight. i won't blast you. 'quarter-life changes' as a friend once mentioned.

whats up man.

tdy. was. bad. cai said it all alr. so. yeah. whats up man.


shall do other things. i.e. naruto 136 n play with my new phone.

rahhh.

Let's talk about you.

there's a new couple on the blog. no pun intended. lets call them dilly and dally.
nice people, by every count. just that they're too similar. and when the negative bits multiplies by two, its absolutely unbearafuckingble. how bad you say?. i say take the trait to be confusion. if you have confusion times two. thats a whole lot more confusion. makes for a very pissed off cai.

if you havent realise. im talking about ian and nicole. the couple but their not officially together yet. as what im told. simply amazing. i think they're nice people dont get me wrong. but honestly, any sane person would kinda just stay away. i mean, i think you guys should enjoy your time together, together. not msning cai and greg for your pure pleasure. cos cai and greg seriously wanna do something for the night. for extra info. to have both cai and greg say "FUCKOFF" to the same person in one day means some real shit. requires reflection. i dont call any mother son or daughter to fuck off. esp when its my friend. if you think cai and greg are gay. shut the fuck up. u havent met sim jianhong yet.=]. if you think reading books in mph or borders is gay, keep your opinions to yourself. millions of people read. if you dont like reading, it doesnt have to be gay. maybe im old, im not happening. but if i dont wanna go clubbing, i dont. if you think its because of you guys. think again. you're not that great to make me decide whether or not i club. i kinda decide by myself. its too much money, too much effort. and too little fun. this really feels like some JC2 age relationship, and im not willing to be involved. im 21, remember? i had much more fun kicking gregs sorry ass in pool today than any club.


ian has a penchant for being late. yday, he didnt turn up. well, we understand. u have committments now. no problemo. guys hate to plan something only for people to leave at the last min. IF YOU CANT MAKE IT. ITS COOL. an early warning would be fine. if i were you, a hot date in town means more than a simple 10km run. so FUCK THE RUN, GO FOR THE DATE. simple. as i told eugene lau. and he wisely heeded. if you cant make it, dont try to seem like you can. we kinda wonder where eugene is nowadays, but least he's not like, trying to be PART OF THE MEETING. yea?. sometimes i wonder if he holds nicole up for an hour. doubt so lah. we're gentlemen. and best "i wanted to play pool with you all".
come on. .. are we the sort of friends u patronize?. noright?. you're busy. and we're having fun too. alls well. so no patronage tonight please.....

sorry cures very few things. not this post for sure. but whats for sure. this post was honest.
caustic yes, sarcastic no. high on truth. low on tact.

a change.

evening ladies n gentlemen. greg is at cai's place now n as u can see from the last post we jus did a run. bout 10-12km la. simple run but im not too sure of the exact distance. well tt was def sth diff to do in the afternoon n it was def fulfilling. yes my thighs n calves are complaining a lil but the feeling is GREAT! been a while since i last ran too.. =) think i shd be really happy with more of this type of afternoons. travelling to the location is the only major set back. shall whine for a car again.

dinner at the lagoon hawker centre on the way back was pretty damn good too. jus enough $$. we went out with $20 altogehter n reached back with $0. tt was like 2 cans of 100plus, 2 plates of hokkien mee, 2 cups of sugar cane, a dozen satays n 4 chicken wings later. good shit.

things to look forward to this weeek:
1. ORD in 9days
2. wireless broadband 3500 coming in on sat
3. nokia 6680 3G phone
4. HK trip in 9days
5. meeting up with elusive ppl
6. oh yeah.. sailing this sat. tentative tho.
7. hoho b4 i forget.. the return of claire. almost saw sth being thrown my way alr

later ppl.

there's one... there's two. wait!? where's IAN?. when jianhong was working. shaun was sleeping. and IAN PAH TOR-ING. disclaimer: confirm to cause dulan ness. 

victoria thy bitches are we.

tmr vj soccer final at vj itself. 1630. for those with nothing better to do, wanna drop by at our alma mater and revisit the old days?. for those who wanna bio jc babes. for soccer enthusiasts. or for those keen on free entry to a soccer game. you heard it here first!.

caipo anyone?

the ranting begins

i need work. thanks to my unfortunate/fortunate retrenchment from SAF, my beloved reserves are rapidly vanishing. after hongkong i reckon it'd vanish into thin air. living on donations is pathetic. machiam beggar. pride prevents me from doing that. sugar mommies, well...tempting but selling my ass just ain't my sorta thing. my ass is priceless. so.... i'll probably get some sort of allowance. very welcome but, definitely insufficient to maintain my kinda lifestyle. so i've come to conclusion that i need a job. temp work no less.

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok back to my rants before my keyboard went bonkers... well i need a temp/part-time kinda thing that'll last me through my uni days. as in work/study kinda thing. if you all have any sort of lobang pls recommend me/tell me about it. thanks. i'm actively searching as well and erm i'd like smth that pays more than $6/hr. my time is more valuable than 5 measly bucks. call me fussy, call me an ass, call me whatever you want. after seeing cai and his obscene earnings, i won't settle for anything less. and NO NODA. EVER.

ok, i'm done ranting about work. i'll be off. will be back to rant soon.

Last count:
ORD - 10 days
Hongkong - 10 days
Bankruptcy - <16 days
SMU - 3 months.....................lalala

In memory of our favourite Cai Po. Soon to enter my tummy. 

PORHIBITED by law indeed... i swear it's found right here in singapore.  

ha ha ha

hmm this first thing i did when i got home was to plumb my sink and clean up the dried up stuff covering the surface of the sink. it's working now. can't fix the bath door, the hollow computer floor, the locked gate which killed greg's toe, the toilet floor which destroyed ian's foot, the dying dog, the open cpu, the leaking air con, the flush handle that has to be lifted up, among other things. all bang me, it's ok. oh yeah i can't fix the spoilt dvd as well.

anyway dota was fun cept everyone on bnet is becoming noobs and keep quitting. and we're not decidedly that pro yet so..

must ..stop... drinking.... coke.

remembering our roots.

for most of the readers here today. may find it interesting that cyberpark wasnt created by any of us blogging here today. it was an irc channel #cyberpark created by yongwei. the inital cyberparkers were him, dewen, daryl, mervyn and lawrence. just some vs boys ppl like claire or mandy dont know about. heh. anyways, somewhere along this line, the blog cyberpark part one was created. and unlimited access to everyone was granted. soon rampant porn was posted. im sure everyone remembers the pic of daryl in the the toilet reading newspaper with his pants down. ha. anyway, the situation got so bad. going to the blog meant u had to make sure your folks were out of town. so somehow, the blog got less and less posts before it was abandoned altogether. mr shaun tan yuxun singlehanded decided on reviving it. and here we go.

anyways, long story short, the old cyberparkers have their own blog now. still littered with alot of porn and nonsense. and how nice of them to link us too!. haha hey shaun, u think you can link em too?. http://huat-.blogspot.com/ haha. friendly abit lah. even tho they alot more ahbeng than us.
lol

options...

hai as they say... u win some u lose some. jus got back from watching episode III. not bad at all. a lil sad tt my most anticipated movie of the year is over jus like tt. think natalie portman's role got smaller n smaller with each episode. from all tt talk in the first one to jus the crying n dying at the finale.

furthermore i missed a sailing gathering tdy. its not tt i wanted to of course but jus tt i jus got informed so damn late n had alr made other plans. i tried to accomodate, so i made room for it but then the weather had to come n screw it up by relocating the whole event to town. sailors.. if u ever come here n read this. im sorryy i wasent there aiight? we'll all do another one when nim gets back n stuff. glad u guys had fun.

another day closer to hk & ord.

i remembered waiting...

So this is odd..
painful realization,
that all has gone wrong,
and nobody cares at all,
nobody cares at all.

So you bury all your lover's clothes
and burnt the letters lover wrote
but it doesn't make it any better
it doesn't make it any better
and the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade

so this is strange..
Our sidestepping has come to be.. a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all
where nobody leads at all

and the picture frames are facing down
and the ringing from this empty sound is deafening and keeping you from sleep
and breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights

well this is incredible
starving, insatiable
yes, this is love for the first time.
well you'd like to think that you were invincible
yeah well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?


well this is the last time
this is the last time..
this is the last time.

ok. settled.

HK tickets ready for collection. pls pass me all your money. $473/person isaac and jh $673 each so i can go complete the transactions. if u wanna come along with me it's fine. i'll probably make the trip early next week. yeap, just giving u guys a heads-up.

cai weiguo.

hey people, here's a big thanks to this blog for being the top referrer to my blog. haha. amazing what trackers can do nowadays. claire: yes yes 12 more days. shaun: having too much fun in shanghai or no time for internet access? mandy: sorry we didnt go indochine, but least we turned up yea.? your ticket is on my blog.=] tennis soccer with ian and jh respectively.


dont die girl, dont die.

stupidity

when stupidity reigns, how should one react? i don't know. you all tell me?

The D.I.M.S.

The Donate to Ian's Money Scheme(D.I.M.S.)

ian has just received his final paycheque from his beloved benefactor, SAF. SAF has deemed ian too expensive and useless to upkeep and thus decided to thrust him back to the cradle of the civilian society as of 3rd june 2005.

thus as of then, ian shall no longer have any money to spend. so any kind souls out there wish to donate to ian pls contact him through this blog. he will reply accordingly. job offers are welcome, but if ian is useless to SAF, he doesn't see himself as of any use to you. but if you insist, he will love you long time (anything more than $5/hr is negotiable). free money is also welcome. just set a meeting place and he shall extend his hand to you and receive his money. sugar mommies? definitely more than welcome, he will love you deep deep. sugar daddies, can....go somewhere else.

whatever la.

haha in that kinda mood again. the whatever mood. you know? the type where you feel like you shouldn't give a damn about everything and just let other people decide your life for you? mmm okok, i think it's also called 'apathy'. some sort of anyway. so when people decide to do something, just tell me so i shall start my creaky brain and think whether i'll do anything about it.

lately been caught in a sorta mist kinda thingy. like, not sure of things in general, like, you think you got it all but then again, you got nothing? hrm...it's confusing i know. even i'm confused. heh, well that ian for you. thinking about stuff in one big round and then coming back to square one: nothing. sometimes i feel like i'm wasting my brain juices thinking of these useless things. why not just heck it, do it, and take the consequences later? seems like an easier way doesn't it?

yeah, so if you wanna do something, or decide on something, just tell me, so i can just heck it, do it, then take whatever consequences that comes.

cheers. for apathy.

hey guuuuuuuuys=]

question to person u dont like:

"so, what'd u like to be when you grow up?"


(ages 21 and up)

im back.

its been ages since ive seen anything by me in this column. heh well my bros n friends will prob knw whats gg on and tt in the last 2 days things have changed dramatically. a miracle if i cld say so myself & im suddenly looking forward to uni again heh. SMU here i come.

furthurmore hk trip has finally taken some form. temporary 'roomie' arrangements have also started to take shape =) hotel n its location is pretty good tho no breakfast is provided. but i guess we will either sleep thru tt n go straight to lunch or yeah.. work sth out hahaha.

room 1: cai & greg
room 2: shaun 'kuku bird' tan & ian 'sand-king' tan (heh heh wonder if ian texted him yet)
room 3: gorgon 'medusa' sim n isaac

tho i think i will be alone most of the time cos cai will prob spend his night at 'wan zai' red light district n i'll have to find him sometime in the morn =) gonna make some $$ on horse racing too.

aiight well greg's bored. think im staying home tdy. toodles. wonder what shaun is dg in shanghai now. perhaps he's still in bed.

ltr.

hongkong. finale.

guys. it's all done. finally.

Final details:
6D5N stay at Cosmopolitan Hotel
Situated in the midst of town district and right beside the race course.

Flying by Cathay Pacific
Departure:
Flight CX 734
June 3rd from Terminal 1 @ 1605hr
est. arrival 1955hr

Arrival:
Flight CX 715
June 8th from HK @ 2000hr
est. arrive in S'pore @ 2340hr

deposit of $200/person paid.
remaining $473 get it ready soon.

fairy tales

i've long forgotten
i haven't since heard you tell me about your favourite fairy tale
i've been thinking about it,
i've been feeling worried,
wondering if i've done something wrong

you're crying as you tell me,
that everything in a fairy tale is a lie.
i can't possibly be the one for you.
maybe you didn't realize,
after you told me that you loved me,
the stars in my sky lit up.

i don't mind becoming the angels you loved in our fairy tales,
with my arms outstretched, like wings to protect you.
you have to believe,
believe that we'll have our happy ending,
just like in the fairy tales.



hmmm that's from tong hua by guang liang. shaun's english version. hohoho

hongkong part deux

ok i've blocked the tickets for:
cai weiguo
ng singuan gregory
sim jianhong
tan chiming isaac
tan yuxun shaun
myself

catch: we must complete the booking by 11th may. so make yourselves free preferably on wednesday so we can head down and finish up. dankew.

i. wait.

eternal boredom binds my wretched soul.

life as i know it has come to a crumbling state.

what will it take to make it all whole?

somewhere, something, someone, i await my fate.

whosleptwithwho?

hey guys.

its the time of your life where,
u've been looking forward for so long.

all play and no work,
with so much time on your hands.

doing what you like to do,
as and when u wanna do so.



so why is it we all cant see?
that youth is more than we make it out to be.

the gradual transitions,
from innocence to "wisdom",

can only be achieved,
by pursuing your dreams.

not forgetting, that the pursuit of your dreams,
is, more important than the accomplishment.



and beyond that,
where do we go?

a piece of paper,
exchanging your time for money.

imprisoned by social chains,
paying for your existence.



be wary the hidden dangers,
on the path u plan to tread.

and remember this, your pathetic existence will come and go.

whether u choose to seek fame or fortune,

or the best in your chosen field.


life is all about doing the best you can, then laying back and feeling good about it.

therefore my dear friends, i strongly urge you.

peasant or pauper u choose, do not be a pawn in this game.

dread

sick of being alive.

memories are all i had to cling to.

when was it when the whiff of her scent soothed my mind,
sending my heart a-thumping every 5 seconds.
when was it when the feel of her hand was smooth to the touch.
a feeling that eluded me since 3 years ago just visited me again,
conjuring images in me.
the unforgettable smell of her, everlasting and consistent,
twirling my memories about.
invoking feelings of the inexplainable,
capturing the lost love;
the love lost.
its when you live your whole long lost life,
just to live for this moment.
This ONE moment.

i wished it never had to end!
that 11 didn't have to come.

no sad thoughts, just happy memories.
hopes of watching the aurora borealis in scandinavia.
and lots of others.

For MANDY

OK i've been forced to do this.

Mandy's PARTY

CHIC!@Aquadisiac(indochine.Wisma)

14th may. age limit 18.
the one - off chance to party up at AquadisiacClub!

presales 18 bucks. door sales 23 bucks.

CALL AMANDA 98219022


now we all are nice people so we wanna support mandy right? er..i think so.

vexed.

in a time when even the confident begin to doubt, give me my peace of mind and set me free from this bind. help me. save me. release me. i need my reprive. where's my saviour? could it be...you?

random ramblings: two

ever wonder, why you were made into the world? what's your purpose here? what do you wish to fulfil? what do you want to do?

sometimes, it's just not about being the richest man. it's not about having the most beautiful girl. or...whatever. it's something beyond all that and i have no damn clue what that is. with every passing day i feel like it's wasted, dwelling around instead of being used to realise what i really want out of these few decades i am here. where do i start? how to do i move? someone enlighten me. bring me out of this bog i'm in and show me what life is really about...

cos i need to know. my life just can't be like this. just...this.

paint the town red already.

Ladies and gentlemen, today the Red Army marches on to Istanbul.

gulp.

i feel like i'm losing myself. i don't even have time to spend with my mom at home and i always have to arrange for dinner appointments with her. i feel like i'm drowning.

mon 7-130am work

tues 11am - 1pm ACRA for registering business.
1pm-2pm Print22 visit.
3pm onwards calling of various bookkeeping and accountancy firms.
7pm short dota with the guys
11pm back to quek's house for business meetings and discussions.

wed 12pm visit to IDEAL bookkeeping and legal
2.30pm meet lijun to discuss Stand sketches
3.15pm meet Ben to discuss logo refinements and designs
7pm prayer meeting with cell at church

thu 1-7pm work
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC!!

fri morning + noon official incorporation of Vouch Pte Ltd
3pm meeting with shar and john to firm up Stand designs
6pm dinner with serene

sat 12pm bday lunch with eric
5pm - 7pm Cell
8pm - 2am Work. (shit i hate working on fri and sat nights)

sun 9.15am church
1pm - 7pm work work work work.(hope denise keller comes again)
8pm onwards hopefully teg dota !

mon meet up with desmond fu to discuss enterprise.

rest of week, meetup with building managements & clients.

ok i'm not whining.

random ramblings: one

this morning, i suddenly awoke with a thought. something that has been with me since the day i learnt to hate, to be angry, to fear, to understand, to be happy, to like, to love, came back to stir in my mind. feelings...emotions, or whatever you call them.

i'd always had a thought that how easy life would be, without these so called...emotions. you wouldn't have to care for anyone. you wouldn't be bothered by anything. nothing will affect what you do cos simply, you're just like a block of steel. cold. unfeeling. just doing what you need to do. hardened by nature. you are an effective person. just doing what your mind thinks is correct. unhindered by those entangling roots of...emotions. your life would just be a straight path down through the passage of time. no winding, forking, u-turning. how simple. how straight-forward. how wonderful?

if only.

cos life IS all about those...emotions. if you can't hate, can't get angry, can't fear, can't be happy nor like nor love, then you can't understand. then there is no life. then there is no point. and we all might as well be dead. cold. frozen. steel.

"we live for and because of our emotions. for the next moment where the elusive happiness shines upon our lives."