me.

I Don't Want To Be"
I don't need to be anything other
Than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other
Than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned!
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

hongkytong

new updates on the hongkong thingy:
$604 for everything (including airport tax.)
6D5N (3rd June - 8th June)
flying by United Airlines.
staying at Dorsett Hotel at Kowloon (3 rooms)

those going pls confirm by SMS/calling ian within the week.


fyi: cai and i are good about the plan.

how cool is this. go optimus go! 

DO- what?

How cool is that? We went out and didn't play a second of dota, and if not for the Haagen Daas stop over, I would've spent a mere $4.50! 4 bucks on dinner which comprised 1x mutton soup and 1x teh ping if you're kay poh, and 50 cents on a transformers armada comic! 50 cents! Cool shit la guys.

We gotta do this more often.

blurred, but not surprising when you consider who we're taking it with. ok guys whatever you do, don't give her your number 

oh come on, don't give me that 'i'm-down-in-the-dumps-the-whole-world-is-collapsing-look' and get rid of that frikkin scarf

just for laughs

Imagine this.

Guy walks by a large pond and suddenly realises he has to pee.
Lo and behold! Theres a floating outhouse right there on the water next to the shore. 'I'm saved!' he thinks to himself. So he happily steps on to the floating platform and enters one of the cubicles, closing the door with a resounding bang. He tinkles gaily away and zips up his pants and, without washing his hands, opens the door and steps out. At which point a thought flashes through his head, going something like 'SMLJ!' but in more ang moh terms. 'What kind of penis shit is this?'. Something like that.
While he was busily indulging in man's second greatest pleasure (thats peeing you sick bastard) the floating platform has somwhow untethered itself and gone zipping off with the flow, ending up a good fifty metres from the shore. With the guy still on it.
It gets better. The guy starts desperately calling for help. 'Save me! Save me! Stop frikkin laughing you arse. And bollocks to you too!' At which point of time a concerned looking caretaker hurries up, takes one look at the situation, and hurls a lifesaver ring at him.
Guy takes off his jacket, lies down and sees if practising his breast stroke will get him anywhere.

Just for Laughs is frikkin funny man. Ok maybe I'm not. But just for laughs is.

tell me why are we, so blind to see 

we have a problem

We need to find a goddamned new hobby. Jio anybody go anywhere and the most probable answer would be a big fat resounding no. Not unless at some point of time during the trip the lot of us end up staring at glowing screens and thinking up ways to hoot each other.
There has to be something more than this.
Wakeboarding, diving, cycling, going for a weekend in Malaysia or just plain shopping. Hell lets go to the frikkin zoo! Gotta get dota out of the system.

winds of change

hello gentlemen. seems like we dont post so often and we dont rreally care. thats cool.

sentosa was alright. peepee's attendence was probably the biggest draw. ha.
how come the sand gets hotter each time i visit. looks like im gonna have to bring my secret tape along next time i go. have u guys realised we're like the biggest bunch of dorks who go to sentosa.? we barely oogle at girls, even if they're hot. and the chance we actually even make eye contact is quite the ZERO. ha. its as tho we're too good for them or smth. for shaun definitely lah.

next few months for me would be change change change... TRANSITION TIME.
clear leave would mean free time. jh would tell you that needs some adjusting to.
ord means total freedom and that also needs some getting used to
planning for the hongkong trip would mean more friction but also potentially means fun. and some unforgettable moments we can bring along with us forever.
and lastly starting school.
shaun, jh and ian in SMU
cai in NUS. wahlaueh
greg?. he's either NTU or SMU.
either ways not NUS.
having alot less of this group of friends im so comfortable with is, again, something i need to get used to.
wow, so many things in 4 months.


one day, when there's little cais little gregs little jianhongs little ians and little shauns running around on siloso beach, we'd remember that we were once little too. and we had some fun in the sun.

dig deep people

Hey guys, I'll be going on a mission trip to Thailand to visit and help out this village that my church adopted. If anyone has any old clothes that are still in wearable condition (not the stuff you wouldn't mind giving your cat to line her litter box) then just give me a buzz. We gotta start packing up the donations by end of this week so any items wil have to be in by then.

Oh come on. I'm already being so formal. Where is the love.

just another normal day in the life of peepeedog a.k.a. phiphidog

arachnaphobia isn't a great fear to have right now...

the next time cai uses roof or whatever his name is, he'll end up like this. i swear.

is it me or is it cold in here...

not everyday's a walk in the park, esp when the park rears chimeras

....what's that shiny thing in the distance....

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

quick! stun the giant lady!

preliminary fiendins.

okay guys.
this is what i suggest to you.
as of now.
its cai, greg, jianhong, ian, isaac and shaun.
alphabetical order ok??=]

hongkong can go by many ways.
we chose to fly. check.
we wanna stay hotel. check.
we wanna have money to spend there. check.
ian's not lost. check.=]


good to go!

now.
to facilitate easy decision making.
im just gonna tell you how much u gonna fork out for travel.
jetstar 266
garuda 265 all inclusive

i shall weigh them for you.
garuda got drinks at least cos tis a normal airline. save $1
jetstar sounds safer.

hotel i can offer you. per night per dickhead:
min 466 for seven nights.
a good location and good hotel my sis recommends is 556.
divided by 7 then u can get the daily price lah stupid.

so if u do some simple addition. travel and accomodation for a 7 day 7 night trip to hongkong.
adds up to about 266+556. which is. err. 822. right?.
can take the cheaper hotel if u want.

now right. to avoid confusion.
those who are okay just say okay.
those who got better suggestion state the suggestion taking into consideration the rest of the 5 guys. and dont give me the problem. only possible solutions will be entertained.
indicate your suggestions and okays by blogging. not by tagboard cos got many mother kotek very good at spamming.

u want cheaper can. u want more posh also can.
this is the low estimate.oh yes. also, these prices were checked out using the dates 4-11 june.
preference indicate by blogging too thank you. i already indicated mine.=]

those who already have style, travel in style.
those who no style, pay more money!
unless u wanna buy manta STYLE.

in need of exercise partner.

really. i mean it. looking for cycling partners, running partners, tennis partners, swimming partners, etcetc. only people i know need apply. unless you're a hot babe, well then i suppose something can be arranged...

...but coming back to the main point. i'm for real. anyone? at all. i hope cai's up for tennis and maybe running sometime. jh, swimming at your new place? and greg, my swimming kaki, 'sup? shaun, isaac. cycle? i know i can count on the guys for finger exercises but really i'm looking for regular exercise partners that uses more than fingers. weekly kinda thing. the idea of being grossly unfit, simply grosses me out.

ignorance

i'd like to think of it as a dream.
a figment of my mind, no more or less.
and the more i think, the more i feel,
why should i keep myself in distress?

shadows of the doubt lurk by the corner,
the smell of cynicism reeks in the air,
and so i choose to sidestep and ignore,
a simple life, it seems, better than despair.

thus, act a fool, know nothing i shall.
my way of life, do you get all this?
'cos nothing else is ever easier than that.
a life of ignorance, such is its bliss.

go forth and moo-tiply! 

in honour of all you clerks, drivers, slackers, skivers and out of coursers 

howie day

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

kenny G

this post is dedicated to my friend.


yesterday was a milestone. only i knew. but he was ON time.
i sense changes going on in the dude. not so edgy or irritatable.
sees happiness in the little things. u get the point.
quarterlife changes. whens my turn.

today dota was supposed to take a back seat for dot.
but since dot postponed it, its back to dota.
either ways, i'll have adot.=]




currently listening to kenny G: silhouette

bought from"THAT CD SHOP"
at a budget price of 9.90 cos it came from chinamanland.
go grab yours now.

Rilke

Therefor, dear sir, love your solitude and bear, with sweet-sounding lamentation, the suffering it causes you.

intruders

the air above your shoulders, the air between your arms and your body, the air around your face.

these constitute what i call, "personal space". do not, in any case put your hand, feet, face or any part of your body in my "personal space". i think most people will find it extremely irritating. if you try to touch me. i call that "test water" u either get a sense of agreement, or a cold icy skin to get me started in giving you the "look"

if you think we're close. come and test water with me.

or you can do ian's infamous "taptap"
the physical contact is so minimal, yet so repetitive you cant help but get irritated.
u feel no warmth, just a subtle way of getting attention without using the voice.

using the eyes as a communication tool is a skill lost on many people.
it gives you away for sure. but nothing can be more sincere than a glint in your iris.






better communication. better people.

song of the day: 'hole in my soul'

I'm down a one-way street
With a one-night stand,
With a one track mind
Out in no-man's land
(The punishment sometimes don't seem to fit the crime)

Yeah there's a hole in my soul
But one thing I've learned
For every love letter written
There's another one burned
(So you tell me how it's gonna be this time)

Yeah yeah yeah
Is it over,
Is it over?
Cause I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find there's nothing there girl yeah I swear
I'm telling you girl, yeah 'cause
There's a hole in my soul that's been killing me forever
It's a place where the garden never grows, yeah
There's a hole in my soul,
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose

I'm as dry as a seven-year drought
I got dust for tears
And I'm all tapped out
(Sometimes I feel broken and can't get fixed)

I know there's been all kinds of shoes underneath your bed
Now I sleep with my boots on but you're still in my head
(And something tells me this time I'm down to my last licks)

'Cause if it's over,
Then it's over
And it's driving me insane

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find there's nothing there girl yeah I swear
I'm telling you girl, yeah 'cause
There's a hole in my soul that's been killing me forever
It's a place where the garden never grows, yeah
There's a hole in my soul,
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose

Yeah,
Is it over?
Yeah it's over
And I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find there's nothing there girl yeah I swear
I'm telling you girl, yeah 'cause
There's a hole in my soul that's been killing me forever
It's a place where the garden never grows, yeah
There's a hole in my soul,
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah

you

there are ambitious people, lazy people, hardworking people, lucky people, unfortunate people, people people. people who get what they want in life, people who try to get what they want in life, and people who don't get what they want in life. people who are proud, rude, kindly, friendly, nonchalent, disrespectful, hurtful, happy, caring. all deep down inside one would expect every person to have some .. emotion in them. something that makes a person feel the most vulnerable, that makes you feel helpless, that makes you feel that you need.. at the very least... good company or love. when you look at other people you know - close friends, friends, partners - and you see them all being their ambitious self, going places, enjoying independence, you feel sad that they're leaving the country, you feel sad because they're growing up, you feel sad because they're embarking on something you could never be a part of, never dared to be a part of. and maybe you would just hope... just hope that they might feel your sorrow for them, feel your worry and concern, feel your joy and pride for them, and appreciate you in some small way that would make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, happy. maybe they would just acknowledge how much you have affected their life, perhaps played a small but important role in this ceaselessly tiring drama called life. you hate being unsettled. you wonder why they can bear to call nothing home. you wonder why they're doing so well, why they can be so uncaring, having fun at the peak of their lives, only living in the present. don't they have memories to cling on to? don't they have past times where they've had most fun with you? you wonder why they're able to throw all these good times away, or perhaps just bury it somewhere in the corner, to forget, and always look to the future.. you would watch them from afar, watching their progress, but always pretending not to care. you would be there when they've sipped wine for the first time, had a black tie party for the first time, DJ-ed for the first time. you would be there for their first time experiencing snow, first summer break, first major exam. you would feel proud for them, happy for them. you would say "i know this person, we used to stick together like glue". but what can you make of it now? when that person never ever looks back...

you hold on tightly to memories of times gone by, praying you'll never forget, because those are and will be the only memories you'll ever have.

why don't i just change all the 'you's to 'i's and all the 'people' to 'you'.

1500

ooh i'm using singnet 1500 now. 6 times my usual download speed. i see 130kbps for the first time now, when ian had it eons ago. didn't know how to configure it at first but after messing around with stuff i managed it.

had a router instead of an adsl modem. that was a big confusing obstacle. anyway shan't bore you all with technicalities. i better learn more about wifi and wireless and IP addresses and subnet masks.

hmmm someone's supposed to go out with me today but well, as usual.. i'm surprisingly not too perturbed by it.. other things may be going my way...and maybe after that more things... haha happy ord.

stagnation

no one's blogging. even though everyone is at home.
anyway, i just thought i might share something i thought of while in one of my nights of insomnia. be reminded that people thinks of ANYTHING while trying to sleep. so there:

names not to give your son. effects felt only after 18 years:
Chang: Chang BoonAn. Chang KaiAn. B A Chang and K A Chang respectively.
Ow: Ow MingEn: M E Ow, Ow ShiEn: S E Ow
Fu: Fu TingOu: T O Fu
Toh: Toh BingUm: B U Toh
Teh: Teh KiatOu: K O Teh
Hong: Hong JunIt: J I Hong
Ker: Ker JieOu: J O Ker
Tay: Tay ShiAn: S A Tay
Kiew: Kiew BengBoon: B B Kiew? anyone?
Ng: Ng KaiEn: K E Ng. this one confirm all the sgts will aim him.
there's just so many more i haven't thought o,. but having seen almost thousands of names pass by me in my 2.5 yr NS, the most memorable is still my buddy in BMT. he was almost saintly.
Su: Su JiaEn: J E Su.
well...almost la.
just know that my son will NEVER be called ShiAn. Tan ShiAn. born hellraiser i tell you. S A Tan.
you want him to sign on? just call him PeiChun. PeiCai. anything with P C. confirm go OCS.
or you could just give him his wish. Di OuRui: O R Di. loh!

ok i'm bored. the whole world could tell perhaps. well, that's all i guess. just giving more reasons for you to give some good thought to your son's name in the future!

morning. it's really morning!

wow the actual 1st time i see the sun in the eastside since i stopped going to camp. it's 930 in the morning! usually i awake 6 hours later, but that's not the point.

but it's a friday! everyday seems like a friday to me though. friday. invites. mmm. i think it's gonna be a great day.

you. take care. take care. take care.

the days

yeh i remember the days too.

when i was in orientation and i hung out with kenmin, paul and alvin. how we escaped from all the dumb games and cheers of "ayyy ionus, ay ay ionus WOO!" by hiding in BETWEEN the old wooden slidings doors of the hall.

when kind hearted me went to buy drinks for the guys in the canteen, left my phone on the table, and my phone was intruded into and contents of a certain msg from a certain someone were spilled out to the entire table. hmm i think that happened on national day. hmm..

when shaun me ian alvin lor and vic hung out at T BAR! or was it onyx, and ate laksa there. oh yah and we saw annabel tan there too. shit.

when i bought an omelette, some nuggets and fries and left them on the table, the guys WALLOPED all my food and ran in all directions. YK was stuffing the omelette into his mouth, kenneth took flight after he took the nugget and tripped over the resident cat, and seet kok wah shouted:"what are you'll doing!!" from above the pe room.

(man this one is hilarious) when we were just hanging out at the basketball court behind the hall and eugene attempted a SLAM DUNK. AKA LE BRON JAMES. he fleeeeewwwwwww missed the rim and fell FLAT on his face. BOOM. all of us exploded into laughter while the councillors playing at the other court rushed to ask how he was. great friends we are eh ? =o)

when YK had this buckethead craze and we found this KFC bucket in the toilet for him to wear. i still have the picture!!

when there were the ten brothers and ten sisters. Sam was big bvother, then shawn i think and so on. Fiona was the big sister! haha i was number 10. nat was number 10 too! i thought i smelt something fishy going around..

when we would steal good ol china bikes from johnny's neighbours and rode to changi village to see ah guas. oh yeh once to orchard too, to eat some half priced sushi. and we rode down that long stretch of the changi airport perimeter. and i remember us saying. "shit in a few months time, we'll be coming here" when we passed the Singapore Ferry Terminal to TEKONG. look how things have changed now guys.

when we were all congregating at lido for a show and all of a sudden, we all started calling darryl cheong for our army postings.

me: "nric:8407267B"

dc: "20 jan"

me: "shit"


yeh man, those were the days.

yk says:
do you still have the pic i took with libs? i want it..

let's talk about 01 & 02

"wallaw you run so slow, your gf also faster than you, catch up leh!"

fucking cb tan

i can still remember it, in fact tt's the only thing i remember him by, to match with his repulsive face. he was a biased man, and i swear he's 'hum sup'.

vj was a blast. everyday also can talk cock. before, during and after school, first and second break, whole life just slack and talk cock.
greg and pico were in my class and in all honesty we did more copying of work than actually doin our work. the last rows of tables in all the classrooms we attended always belonged to us. but pico, more often than not, knocks out after the first ten minutes. i already told him not to engage in late night conversations with libs but he wouldnt listen. i remember impromptu visits to the toilet DEN to the canteen during tutorials. greg claimed it was to get power-ups. i think classrooms are boring.

"eh wad lecture now ah" "i think physics" "lecturer leh?" "lol i think is goh ker liang" "STEADY LAH LET'S GOH"

- and then we went to the library to sleep, or to check asianbookie odds, or to play pikaball. sometimes we did some studying lah..
ok if you happen to be in the same lecture hall as us, tt is if we did go, if you were aimed at, thrown things at, laughed at, sneered at, gossiped at, fucked by, and last but not least, ogled at by a group of guys sitting tgth, yep tt's us. cyberparkers

"eh song boh we fail our prelims then next time after our remedials can go play warcraft"

yea there was this period of time we were totally addicted to wc3. after school go parkway, go home go lancraft. from normal games to heros to towers, we were all adept at it. TEG vs 3M,. classic. eh we lost by a little only k. lol. some sundays we will even go parkway in the late morning, and play all the way till at night. there was kaobeing, there was fucking, people got pissed, but it was still fucking fun.

we were quite soccer siao. and we bet on it too. remember kum kuat? and st wilfred, and VS where we got caught and were chased out. then there' was the game at east coast, den we went poobor poolhall owner johnny's house to stay. kfc model. den we played winning eleven and there was late night cycling frm his hse allllll the way to orchard. and we got caught by mata, and we said we were poly students.

den came prelims den came As. den all except model boy got botak. some now already has coloured hair some now still holding the green card. but no matter which uni we all go to, the 2 yrs were KICK-ASS great.

ian, both of us. baggy pants etc. all day, everyday. brothers we were. are. and the bahchor auntie :)

except when i got kicked out of school one day because my hair was long. and my student ID was confiscated. by the jackass TAN. he shouted at me half a football field length away, from the council room to the staircase at the turtle(less) pond. i mean everyone couldn't help but look at me right?

grumpy mood. 2IC pissed me off today. i'm ording and he decides to play rank today. good good. watch me play ord with him. tomorrow my unders are finally coming.

i just realized i'm the only one in unit with men under me. jh is dys2, ian is bmtc, greg is bmtc, cai is a course runner. i have real men. my men. for a whole year and abit. and i just learnt that men are alot like children. people you have to care for, take care of, discipline and love. they know who's the mom, and who's the dad. who's the devil and who's the angel. they watch our every move, and learn from experience. they can tell which 'parent' is reliable, trustworthy, kind. they love you, and hate you. and at the end of the day, when you step into their world, you gladly call them family. for everything they've been through with you, for all the shit you've put them through. in the end, i can safely say that drivers, my men, are the ones to be admired, to be applauded. The commanders are all just fucked up. including myself. they move the army. not us. they manage to find happiness in the darkness, the back to back ops, the rubbish they get. they smile and joke with each other. they pull through. i probably can't take what they're taking.

for my men!

anyway greg and tiffany thanks for listening to me bitch. haha... i should be alright now.. trying to be ya?


"Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you will die today"

nostalgia

waking at 6 today. rumbling along the roads. i see people everywhere. but i only noticed..a certain group: white shirt/white shorts, white shirt/blue shorts, white blouse/white skirts; green pinafores, light blue pinafores, dark blue pinafores; light blue blouse/light blue skirt, white shirt/dark blue pants/blue tie, white blouse/dark blue skirts/no tie, off-white shirt/off-white pants, off-white blouse/off-white skirt.

it's been...almost 3 yrs. since i left that place. the place where everything was off-white. even the walls. we could've just learnt our camouflage lessons right there and then. sigh, and she HAD to drive by the place. almost 7 now. the bridge. the bus stop. the big red gate. that i used to climb when i was late. which was pretty often. avoiding student councillors who would copy my name. going for macdonalds and coming back at 10. studying at the concourse. sleeping in the library. on those oh-so-comfy armchairs. sleeping in lectures. being a nuisance in lectures. 'ROXY' --> econs lectures :). having ice jelly in the canteen when people were having lectures. heck! having ice jelly in the canteen when people were having tutorials! winston chai asking me 'how many brothers/sisters i have outside.' after i gave him attitude. told him i got 2 sisters....at home. :). mr seet catching me for kicking a ball in the canteen. then catching me for wearing 'low slung' pants. then catching me with 'too-baggy' shirt. then catching me with no belt. then catching me with no collar pin. then catching me with long hair. all within 2 min. leephuimanded. TEG vs 3M. 'GALAXY'. BAH CHOR MEE AUNTIE! LAKSA BOYS/BAHCHORLERS. the memories just kept coming back. sigh....i miss that place. those 2 yrs. were awesome.

VICTORIA, THY (adopted) SONS ARE WE.*

*only for non-vs boys.

how now ?

i think shes quite cute, and i think i might like her.

is this crazy ?

I don't know..

Lord give me a clue please?

my cell group.. 

dota gang. TEG 

thats my turntable alright, playing the best of nat king cole. unnnnn...forgettable, thats what you are.. 

memories are all i had to cling to... My kite, stranded in the gloomy sky, and my longing is still waiting to be rescued. 

on the verge of falling into my sea of turmoil. great way to start 2004. 

check it out. memories from heng chun camp.the tonner that could blow up any minute. right from WWII!! 

anyone wanna tango ? 

guys chill out session. TCC at millenia.. ian overdressed, isaac and shaun smiling like gays. me greg and cai looking like east side boys! 

bang bang bus

Look ma! That dumbass just got hit by a bus! Ha Ha... Loser

bang bus

ooh bus bus BUS BUS BUS BUS!!!!!



bang.

it aint even here.

think its been a while since i last wrote a guide book to sth/added inspirational gibberish/rambled/complained/bitched or whatever other kinds of term to describle blogging. perhaps tts why i do even think of having my own blog. updating it will be such a chore once the initial passion has all but died out.

And since the tag board is down.. for me at least.

to shaun: erm time to wake up ur idea... ur dg all tt fuckshit at home brooding n all while *aHem* is probably not the least bit concerned. u got hit by the bus once. u sort of recovered. u can limp ard now so wtf are u limping for ur life to throw urself in front of the bus again? does tt make sense to u? it does? fuck u! haha for more insight u can always drop ur deep friend a line.


whats a guy to do on a rainy monday afternoon. basically nothing. so one tends to jus let his mind wander. i lean back in my armchair n gaze at the grey sky. i wonder if god is playing a cruel trick on me. i knw it should not matter anymore i refuse to be the least bothered by it but of all the fucking ppl in the world why must it be U!? u were a close friend of mine. why the fuck are u doing this to me. isnt there sth in this world called ethics n basic 'zhi3 dong3'ness anymore? U got me this time brother.

teetering, toppling, on the edge of insanity

hi
back from asteroids. dota has lost it's kick. it's boring now. at least cs spiced up something. with all the kniving. and last minute artics.

ugh.

life isn't so good anymore. i think i'll stay home and rot. again. then i have camp tomorrow. or today. whichever. just want to ord. so tired. too tired to carry on. to do anything. confused. too tired to think what to type. rubbish. many many many. something.

it is always a fool's mistake to be with someone you shouldn't have loved.

n.y.d.c

ok kenneth, heres the reply.

SO FAR, i think its pretty alright, although the guys did warn me about the hot side staff.
i did a 5-2am shift on friday and hell was it tiring. stood and poured water until my back was stiff.
dawn, serious man, f n b is no joke. esp when you're new and wearing "TRAINEE" around your neck.

anyways, heres my schedule.

mon 7-12am
tue 7-12am
thurs 7-12am
fri 12-6pm
sat 7-2am
sun 7-12am.

lol. quite a packed one huh ? anyone wants me to serve them just come and visit, and i'll try my best not to pour water on your shirt.

anyways, had a terribly funny day yesterday. after me gabe shaun isaac and gabe's cousin played at egames, we walked to his car, parked at somerset MRT carpark. he was mentioning how weird that lot was, cos everyone drove past that lot but didn't take it. lucky day maybe? so he just parked there. lo and behold when we got back to the car, it was COVERED and i mean SMOULDERED with BIRD SHIT! LOL it was like and artillery bombardment man, 155mm, 120mm, 81mm 60mm all just SMACKED on his windscreen, bonnet, boot, everything.

gabe:my dad's gonna kill me.

haha we drove to a manual car wash and thought they would faint upon seeing the car. haah but they didn't and 4 guys proceeded to clean the car with jet sprays and soap.

when they finished, one of them asked: " you'll went to the BIRD PARK?"

...

gabe paid them 10 bucks and told them to keep the change. poor fellows.

ian is full of bull.

i'm insanely bored. gonna bullshit now. hear ye hear ye:

ok i think everyone has an in-built receptor/transmitter kinda thing. also known and hence forth known as: senses and body language respectively.

when people feel an attraction to someone, they will constantly give off positive signals through body language and be extremely positive around people they are attracted to. meanwhile, their senses will be attuned to pick up similar positive body language from their source of attraction.

say: A likes B. A displays positive body language while waiting to sense B's replies. B reciprocates. all is good. life is good. and they live happily ever after.
say: B does not reciprocate. A keeps trying. nothing happens. A will stop. tiring la. trust me, it's very tiring to be so positive for so long.
say: B realises then, B likes A. B decides to reciprocate after A stops. too late. A's too tired to do anything. probably A doesn't give a damn anymore. A kena own already. kena own = feels played. so nothing happens either.

what i'm trying to say is: when there is an attraction, positive body language will be displayed. but only for a time period. how long or short depends on the individual person. for a relationship to start out, both must like each other at the same time period. it's almost impossible for people to like others for an indefinite time period. simply cos it's really very very tiring. after the time period has passed, the attraction turns down into a normal friendship. rather platonic stuff. so the relationship wouldn't work out. even if the other side decides to up the tempo.

*trick* a trick here, is to play hard to get. it's a risky manouvre. it can drive the other side crazy for more. cos some humans are sadist and masochist by nature, they like pain and challenges(don't take my word for it. rmbr: ian is full of bull). then the time period will be lengthened. giving you more time to react(hopefully).
on the contrary, it can also drive the other side to leave. cos humans are lazy asses by nature, they don't like to overwork themselves. then the time period will immediately vanish. *poof*

*trick* additional trick. you don't like someone? just say NO all the way. everything also 'NO'. sooner or later(hopefully sooner, but some people have great perseverence), even the dumbest person will get it. to them, even getting to mars would be easier than getting to you.

ok ian has done with his crap. thanks for the audience. heading out now. ciao my friends.

good morning.

just woke up from a horrible dream of war in singapore. shaking hands with my friends from combat units, wishing them luck cos they will be heading to the frontlines while i was defending here in singapore. 2 PDF i suppose. everything seems so real. patrolling CBD. all those towers in tatters. roads filled with debris. smoke bellowing from burnt out buildings. i even remember sharply, telling someone on patrol with me that i thought it was all a dream. that's how real it felt. women and children crying by the streets. sky black and darkened from soot. seen hell in 'constantine'? looked just like that. so grim. and i couldn't wake from it. volleys of artillery rounds landing all around. that was the last scene in the dream.

AHHAHAHAHHAA

shaun's so cute!.. ahahha had such a laugh reading the post i feel better already.
love is a many splendoured thing. "love is like oxygen??!?!??!"
i used to think love lifts us up where we belong. but yea...now i sit here laughing my ass off waiting for shaun to come scold me. no problem just dont burn my futurama cds k?
just imagine ewan mcgregor saying that. its like. hilarious.

ah anyway. shaun's having another celebration. jh is at egames (doing what i also dunno.=])
ian and greg are either bumming or watching a movie. when they watch a movie and im sitting home alone right. means something u gotta go decipher yourself.... cos usually the gay instincts they have will lead them to ask me. but noo....

just watched abit of tv so im gonna comment. my senior from vj just finished 4th in the miss singapore universe contest. which was more of a miss rather than a hit really.=]
i initially thought it'll be girls like her who stumble on their words. i was so wrong when the angmoh educated girls also arbleah kaleah pttding. nadya of all people also. amazing what stress can do to you. luckily taufik was too busy concentrating on his vocals to screw up one of my favourite songs (me and mrs jones).. just watching the singapore "beauties" really put things in perspective. however i mean it you go figure yourself... beauty's far from skin deep. its whats deeper than skin which is beautiful. having said that, i look at myself and i find im far from beautiful.. never got in the way of what i want in life anyway.

anyway, reason why i dont blog very much here is i got my own lah.
so since im the only one not dotaing on or gallivanting, reckon i should do my part. 'sides, when guys dont have anyone to fill that void in their hearts. its always the chummy buddies who you turn to.
-when you're lonely, who do u think of?

爱像一阵风 吹完它就走

you know when you are happy, and doing happy things,
time passes so fast?
how can one 24 hours and another 24 hours be so different?
happy times come all the time..
i've had many - clubbing, hanging out, dota-ing, fooling around with the guys
but time passes the fastest when you're with that special someone.

"Time Passing" table :
in camp - negative 2
at home - normal
having fun - 2 times faster
walking with special someone - 4 times faster
watching movie with special someone - 8 times faster
talking to special someone - 16 times faster
holding special someone close - 99923912837192873298712931928123.12312789123123123 times faster

it passes so fast that no single day, no single hour or minute or second is ever enough.
you just can't get enough of it.
"love is a many splendoured thing, love is like oxygen, love lifts us up in the air, all you need is love"
you can only be almost content living in that moment.
just one moment sends me reeling for eternity.


uh. trying hard to get things in perspective.


what i'm trying to say is that after one special moment,
you try to plan for the next moment.
to tell yourself to make the best of the next special moment,
because you know time will definitely fly by quickly. always too quickly.
but i guess you never can plan ahead in the game of love.
the next moment will come quickly,
filling you up with hope and dreams,
and leave you just as quickly,
leaving an empty husk of memories.

ok shaun is in a mess. what's new. living very very dangerously.
you're a Hard Habit to break.

on medication

i can't sleep. i'm having a headache. though staring at this screen won't help, i hope the panadol would. mmm. warm water and panadol...anyway i need to speak. about something. anything.

love you shaun. hope you had a great 21st. i think you had a great 21st. just remember: east side. TEG. always there for you.

it's funny how you have so much on your mind, only for it to blank out when you reach the blank screen here. blogger's block. but i will speak anyway.

ian is strange. as much as he loves the vague game, beating around every single bush, he'd like people to be straight forward with him. he is a simple man. he likes simple questions. involving preferably, just yes or no. he hates questions requiring 'additional' answers. he doesn't really enjoy open ended questions either. and he despises trap questions (eg. questions that, however answered will leave him in a precarious position, anyhow. girls seems to love asking anyway). with girls, it's dangerous. every word could have a double meaning. it's a literal minefield i'd say. guys, it's so much easier. you can shoot him, scold him, bang him, slap him, whatever. at the end of the day, we're still friends. not so close for the time being but still...friends at least.

mmm, many many issues to settle. unfortunately, most involving people who are not here. i.e. abroad. wait for them to return then? there's much to say. and much to ask. and many people to catch up with.

wouldn't it be nice.
if you could just hang out as friends, nothing more or less. just coffee or movies. chat.
wouldn't it be nice.
if you could have a summer fling, fool around, knowing that there's nothing going on after all and still being friends at the end, who can hang out. coffee and movies?
wouldn't it be nice.
if there were no misunderstandings, or grudges if it didn't work out. and that after it all, coffee and movies are still possible.
and i think it'd be great.
if it did work out. then, he will take the lead and show you the way. my way. coffee and movies. and more.

haha, no. ian's not lovelorn. he's just making out an ideal situation. ideal...for him that is. mark of a commitmophobe? perhaps, perhaps. for ian's just a simple man. with simple wants and simple needs. hmm... coffee and movies? stroll by the beach? chat by the pool? more? haha, why... i'd love to.

ok i think panadol effects are taking over. becoming a blabbering idiot. apparently too many aren't good for you. shall go sleep now. good night! and sleep tight while i nurse my head.

to jh.

jh, dun work @ nydc.. it sucks.
i quit there like after 1 wk! the managers are fucked up and the 'old birds' are fucked up too. esp the kitchen assitant at the hot side. some fucking malay whom my friend and i quarrelled with.. and watch out for this attitude girl who acts like a big fuck, she has multi-coloured hair and she has BO. And she tries damn hard to be a malay, she even speaks with a malay slang and all her sentences are punctuated with 'siala' and 'sia'.
it's damn hot there.. even at night. and the pay's outrageously low! like 5 an hr, it's really no pt.. and there are no babes there lol. major consideration pt huh..

it was a fantastic day. absolutely fantastic.

the car sped on and on,
as i held her hand softly,
feeling her warmth.
i held her close,
and we clung to each other for dear life.
in sleepy consciousness she finally mumbled - through a smile and a sigh,
happy birthday shaun,
and yes, what a happy birthday it was.



back from town at last. today was a great day, and i owe it all to you guys. love you lot. totally didn't expect so many people to turn up. jh and greg are bloody liars i must say. had initially planned a quiet day with h, but jh forced me to join everyone for dinner.

to the guys and girls: thanks for the presents, and the presence. endless appreciation
jh: thanks for the card.. so sweet..haha
cai: thanks for smashing the cake in my face, and dirtying my shirt.
h: for being there today. never meant so much.

i would like to have joined you guys in whatever you did after dinner but well, no can do. anyway i really think this was a great great great day. dunnoe how to describe la. all the love.

thanks again jh, ian, cai, greg, zhiguang, isaac, gabriel, terence, victoria, eileen and esp h. love you all. not forgetting martha for your thoughtful present.

of course mr kwek taipong(PA) for the gucci deodorant, parents for the tag, and relatives for the money.

claire thanks for calling! lub chiu lots... sigh come back soon.

think i'll be dreaming about today for the next few weeks. if i miss out anyone please don't blame me. i'm so tired. and broke.