2006

woo! now that's one clichéd title. duh you say? ditto.

early in the morning, just came back from MoS, a little tired, somewhat worn out, having just enough energy to say this just cos i'm inspired to.

it's a revelation, to realise that i have a fear of expectations. i'm not about being emo or what but rather it's just that time of your life where you go in deep to find out really what you're made of. what makes you tick. what makes you shrink and hide. couldn't find a full term for it after googling the "phobia-list", half expecting(ha!) to find an "expectophobia" somewhere, but nope, nada, zip.

so as i was saying i have this tiny problem with expectations. not the fact that i can't meet them. i CAN if i want to. it's just that...the presence of expectations makes ian here a little unsettled. it's THAT MERE PRESENCE. why? cos he fears it. like when someone expects you to call. like someone expects you to ask them out, when someone expects you to dance with them. it's as if you're being forced to do something when people expect it from you. like you're obliged in a way. and to me, it feels like crap. i mean if i want to do it, i definitely will. you can count on that. i'm not born to meet empty expectations.

and...another thing. to hear things about yourself. so i said i was at MoS. and i see this very familiar girl and we talked abit. i honestly couldn't remember anything except this line: "well, you're a player aren't you. i heard you're one." well i hardly even know this girl and that came so naturally out of her like it was the most undeniable truth. i just smiled back.

i didn't know where that came from but i didn't fight it, neither am i affected by it. silence doesn't mean the consent that i'm one. it's really up to you to decide. if you don't know me and you think so, well then, i'm glad for you.

it's just to say that with so much bullshit flying around the world, you can't possibly fight off or deny every single one. everyone will have their detractors, everywhere there are gonna be rumour-mongers. if you're gonna deny every single thing that you hear and get affected by everything that goes around, you're gonna have a very hard life.

all the noise in the world honestly don't matter when you have friends who've seen your good and bad and still decide to stay around. i've had great times with these people even if we pissed each other off, sometimes. you could matter too, if you're someone who've heard all that nonsense but you're still open-minded enough to decide that you will judge me with your own eyes. i'm sure we'll enjoy a brilliant future if our paths do meet. so, cheers to you. you, who matter.

once again, happy new year one and all. do take things easy in this new year people and everything will fall into place where they belong. hope you have an absolutely smashing 2006 and do share it with me. take care.