if somebody told you i was just your average ordinary guy, with not a care in the world...... somebody lied

ok i'm trying to get some random thoughts into a comprehensive and logical post..


uhm. here goes.

there has to be some purpose as to why we're alive. so far noone i know can give me an answer. some people are ambitious, some people are smart, some people are charismatic, some people have everything, some people have none. Question is, do all these people question their purpose of life? or do they just live life?

some people believe having faith in a religion will give them answers and set them free.
some people believe having goals and dreams in their life will give them meaning and something to work for.
some people believe living life to the fullest is everything they'll ever need, come what may.

isn't there something we're inherently meant to do?

inherent: Existing as an essential constituent or characteristic; intrinsic/ Occurring as a natural part or consequence.

now this means that there's something you were/are meant to do. not something you think you'd like to do, nor something you think would do your current situation some good. so far, i've never seen anyone live a life that served any purpose. any real purpose. any purpose that would contribute to the overall aim of... living.

now would someone tell me what that aim is?

don't tell me i'm depressed- you might as well tell me paying 25 bucks a month for WoW subscription is expensive, when you blow twice that amount in one stupid night clubbing.

your parents brought you up, paid for the house, paid for the car, paid for your useless education, suffer endless worrying of bills, anxiety and all those other garbage parents have to go through, only to make you a parent in due time, just for you to experience the same damn thing all over again. But NO you say, you're different from your parents. So you go about doing exceedingly well in school, getting your first class honours, getting a starting pay of 2.5k with a annual rise in pay. you get that nice job you always wanted, fall in love with a beautiful woman (or good looking guy for ladies), get married, buy a nice house, own a bentley continental GT, do social gatherings, you hang out at the coolest pubs and clubs, everybody wants a piece of you, only for you to discover that your dog has heart problems, and got a heart attack during a lovely walk in the park, your wife has issues with fidelity, your house catches fire and burns down and thus you're left homeless. you then take a nice drive during the night to JB for supper to think things through, only to have you BENTLEY CONTINENTAL GT carjacked by those stupid malaysians (no offence). your life just fell apart in everyone's face, and let me tell you the truth. NOONE GIVES A S***. noone. in fact, noone cares. they'll go say something like "you can stay in my house and i'm really concerned about you" but they'll think "thank god it happened to him not me". So since i'm not worth crap to him or him or him or my neighbour, what am i worth? my oxford degree? but in fact, that wasn't something i inherently wanted to do with my life. i got an oxford degree in law or finance because it would allow me to buy my GT. but then it would get carjacked in the end so why bother studying so hard and getting the damn degree in the first place.

oops. my train of thought just sped passed the sound barrier.

i just need some assurance that what i'm doing now, and what i'm about to do with my life, will help something (anything) in some spectacular and important way. i guess i'm just scared of fading away in this stupid, retarded, senseless aesthetic and materialistic world, where good friends are hard to come by, and noone really understands you at all.

no, i'm definitely not depressed.