the ghost of you and me

it's amazing how i can keep up an imaginary conversation with her for such a long time now. i just sit there and think and think and different scenarios just play out in front of me. sometimes some images are temptingly real, even if i just close my eyes for a second. it breaks my heart and i wish so hard for time to move backwards. i can almost smell her hair and hear her laughter. but all that is gone now, and nothing will ever be the same. but then was it ever there in the first place?

it's kinda psychotic now, come to think of it. but when you miss someone so much, can you really blame me for this hallucination? i'm almost to the point where i say hello to her when i wake up, or touch her photo as though i would touch her face before going to sleep. i spend my time talking to her, picturing what she would answer. i remember the way her head tilts to the side or the way the wind catches her hair. The way the little laugh lines appear at the corners of her smile, or her gentle breath on my neck. tiniest things spark off the deepest of memories. and i had to ask her again, what did i do to have lost you?

she smiled and told me that maybe we weren't meant for each other.
no...wait,
she smiled and told me we were different.
or maybe...
she smiled and told me she had to fly off to somewhere else...

... or did she?

all i'm surviving on is the hope that she will release me from this spell soon, and that someone else will take her place. but for now i will continue to relive the moments - those wondrous and magical moments, over and over again. the days where i picked her up from work, the day where she lay on my lap as i watched her fall asleep under the stars in marina, and the day where we lay in bed the whole night and day, talking, laughing and falling in love.

time's always cruel, and the happiest of moments are gone in a whirlwind.