what e f*** is wrong with me.
my life's a mess, i have no friggin idea what im dg.
ive lost my direction. i dont knw anymore.
random incoherent thoughts keep gg thru my mind.
struggling to piece them together.
i have to set things straight somehow. somehow seems like such a vague word.
random thought: wtf is my blog start page in friggin chinese.
anyway thanx cai, ian for shedding some light on my situation. ur insights were extremely invaluable. -brotherhood- stand by ur bro, no matter e circumstance.
perhaps i might find some peace when sleep finally claims me.
good night
Friday, December 31, 2004
zouk zouk
stepped into zouk again last night, after a 2 months+ absence. i gotta say, nothing's changed. music's great! as usual. but the crowd is screwed. felt like sardines. all the pushing. all the squeezing. such a turn off. ironically, got a mail today saying i won a pair of free passes to zouk. so i got a pair of free passes to give out. any takers?
31 dec 2004.. so soon the year has passed. i can't wait for 2005. hope something good comes along. see you all next year.
31 dec 2004.. so soon the year has passed. i can't wait for 2005. hope something good comes along. see you all next year.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
for once.
yeh eugene, ian's right. if theres anyone in this room that wants to see you join us again, its me.
don't want to say too much here, but i think we've drifted so far away. too far for our own good. you don't even know i go to church now with nelson right? sometimes i really blame mavis, why she's taken this brother away from me. but i guess theres no point playing blame-games now. for the new year.
don't want to say too much here, but i think we've drifted so far away. too far for our own good. you don't even know i go to church now with nelson right? sometimes i really blame mavis, why she's taken this brother away from me. but i guess theres no point playing blame-games now. for the new year.
my thoughtless
this was supposed to be the 7th time i visit here and leave nothing, but i was determined to write. i've so much in my mind that i can't put to words OR that the feeling's all but gone and writing them would have no point. well anyway, here goes:
i wanted to talk about friendship cos of all the crap happening lately. between friends, there will no doubt be fights, quarrels and disagreements. what stops them from becoming enemies is the bond they share as friends. no doubt in anger we piss each other off. no doubt in frustration we rail at one another. but if you're unable to look past such small matters and understand that bad tempers make friends do things they regret, then i guess the bond wasn't so strong such that it can withstand such a blow. i believe our friendship is more than this. many times we piss each other off more than this, many times we quarrel over worse matters but we've always recovered. perhaps instead of bearing the grudge in your heart, think about how our bonds have weathered all storms and think about whether it's worth it to throw it all away just because of something as insignificant as an angry man's rants. if you think i'm talking about that incident you bet i am. come back eugene. no doubt dota's taken over us and the east is kinda far for you, no doubt we don't club as much together anymore, no doubt you've gotten new priorities in life now but it's also no doubt that you are still our friend. cai's apologised for his own rashness and he really wants to clarify the matter with you. he's been trying to get to talk to you. help him and it'll help you and help us all. ok?
i am diseased. not of the physical, not of the mind. but of the heart. something's wrong, can't figure it out. i am also plagued. by indecisiveness. i think i once wrote that the first step to being a man is to be decisive. actually i am decisive, about other people's matters. but totally wishy washy on my own. guess i'm still very much a boy then. a 20 yr old one.
speaking of 20 yrs. someone recently asked me when i'm getting married. i was thinking i'm only 20. but then again i was in primary school only 8 yrs back so, another 8 yrs? mrs tan? junior tan? i really don't know. maybe 30+? life simply put, is unpredictable. who knows? *bang*. =)
once again this song has returned to haunt me. calling to me. binding me to it. guess i feel a bond to this song. somehow, i don't know. when i close my eyes, i could almost hear a silent cry within. 'insensatez'. translated: 'how insensitive'
wait. i could almost sense someone watching intently at this..... waiting for the right moment..... and.....
i wanted to talk about friendship cos of all the crap happening lately. between friends, there will no doubt be fights, quarrels and disagreements. what stops them from becoming enemies is the bond they share as friends. no doubt in anger we piss each other off. no doubt in frustration we rail at one another. but if you're unable to look past such small matters and understand that bad tempers make friends do things they regret, then i guess the bond wasn't so strong such that it can withstand such a blow. i believe our friendship is more than this. many times we piss each other off more than this, many times we quarrel over worse matters but we've always recovered. perhaps instead of bearing the grudge in your heart, think about how our bonds have weathered all storms and think about whether it's worth it to throw it all away just because of something as insignificant as an angry man's rants. if you think i'm talking about that incident you bet i am. come back eugene. no doubt dota's taken over us and the east is kinda far for you, no doubt we don't club as much together anymore, no doubt you've gotten new priorities in life now but it's also no doubt that you are still our friend. cai's apologised for his own rashness and he really wants to clarify the matter with you. he's been trying to get to talk to you. help him and it'll help you and help us all. ok?
i am diseased. not of the physical, not of the mind. but of the heart. something's wrong, can't figure it out. i am also plagued. by indecisiveness. i think i once wrote that the first step to being a man is to be decisive. actually i am decisive, about other people's matters. but totally wishy washy on my own. guess i'm still very much a boy then. a 20 yr old one.
speaking of 20 yrs. someone recently asked me when i'm getting married. i was thinking i'm only 20. but then again i was in primary school only 8 yrs back so, another 8 yrs? mrs tan? junior tan? i really don't know. maybe 30+? life simply put, is unpredictable. who knows? *bang*. =)
once again this song has returned to haunt me. calling to me. binding me to it. guess i feel a bond to this song. somehow, i don't know. when i close my eyes, i could almost hear a silent cry within. 'insensatez'. translated: 'how insensitive'
wait. i could almost sense someone watching intently at this..... waiting for the right moment..... and.....
'REFRESH!'
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
RESPLENDENCE
hey lau, chill okay. i didnt know you'd take it so seriously. im sorry for u reacting like this.
its just abit frustration i had to let out after some accumulation, not just that one incident. but to me its water under the bridge. i guess its easy for me to say that i wouldnt do that to my acquaintances, but i value honesty lah. so i just say lor. didnt know it'll have such severe repercussions, i mean i dont mince my words, but i hope you see my point lah. rather than nasty bits. im just lousy with expressions and stuff. the alcohol and xmas high didnt help. msn or call me anytime lah. i hope u dont see me as one of the fuckers out there to add shit to your life.
merry xmas to that.
its just abit frustration i had to let out after some accumulation, not just that one incident. but to me its water under the bridge. i guess its easy for me to say that i wouldnt do that to my acquaintances, but i value honesty lah. so i just say lor. didnt know it'll have such severe repercussions, i mean i dont mince my words, but i hope you see my point lah. rather than nasty bits. im just lousy with expressions and stuff. the alcohol and xmas high didnt help. msn or call me anytime lah. i hope u dont see me as one of the fuckers out there to add shit to your life.
merry xmas to that.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
The origins of Boxing Day
Boxing Day
In England a long time ago…
Servants were required to work on Christmas. They were responsible for making the holiday run smoothly for wealthy landowners. They were allowed to take leave on December 26th and visit their families. The employers gave each servant a box containing gifts and bonuses. In addition, around the 800s' churches opened their alms boxes (boxes where people place monetary donations) and distributed the contents to poor.
In England today…
Few people have servants but the custom of giving gifts or money to those who provide service continues. It is also popular to visit grandparents and shop (the after Christmas discounts begin). Many people get the day off from work. Watching sports especially horse races is also a popular activity. Boxing Day is also celebrated in places where the English have settled or have influence like Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and Scotland. Some places observe Boxing Day on December 26th and some celebrate it on the first weekday following Christmas, so, if Christmas falls on Friday or Saturday Boxing Day would be on the following Monday.Now, the actual origin of this holiday is debatable and has been debated, one idea being more popular than the other at a given time.St. Stephen's Day is also celebrated on December 26th. Stephen one of Jesus' disciples. Shortly after Jesus' crucifixion he was accused of preaching blasphemy and he was stoned to death becoming the first Christian martyr. The Song "Good King Wenceslas" speaks of Stephen.
"...when Good King Wenceslas looked out,
on the Feast of Stephen...."
Happy boxing day to all, and happy birthday daddy...though i couldn't spend it with you cause of the bloody SAF, i still love you..
hope everyone had a good christmas, and christmas eve... i know i did.
In England a long time ago…
Servants were required to work on Christmas. They were responsible for making the holiday run smoothly for wealthy landowners. They were allowed to take leave on December 26th and visit their families. The employers gave each servant a box containing gifts and bonuses. In addition, around the 800s' churches opened their alms boxes (boxes where people place monetary donations) and distributed the contents to poor.
In England today…
Few people have servants but the custom of giving gifts or money to those who provide service continues. It is also popular to visit grandparents and shop (the after Christmas discounts begin). Many people get the day off from work. Watching sports especially horse races is also a popular activity. Boxing Day is also celebrated in places where the English have settled or have influence like Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and Scotland. Some places observe Boxing Day on December 26th and some celebrate it on the first weekday following Christmas, so, if Christmas falls on Friday or Saturday Boxing Day would be on the following Monday.Now, the actual origin of this holiday is debatable and has been debated, one idea being more popular than the other at a given time.St. Stephen's Day is also celebrated on December 26th. Stephen one of Jesus' disciples. Shortly after Jesus' crucifixion he was accused of preaching blasphemy and he was stoned to death becoming the first Christian martyr. The Song "Good King Wenceslas" speaks of Stephen.
on the Feast of Stephen...."
Happy boxing day to all, and happy birthday daddy...though i couldn't spend it with you cause of the bloody SAF, i still love you..
hope everyone had a good christmas, and christmas eve... i know i did.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
merry christmas
hello to one and all. its cai at greg's house together with his trusty sidekick ian and jianhong. where's shaun?. he's awol but on the way i think. and where's lau. fucker. say u're part of the gift exchange and gathering and all that, but we can see from your eyes u werent interested. i mean, dont say ure gonna come just cos u WANNA come uknow. just say u cant make it and we'll be fine with that. at least when shaun's with a gf he doesnt behave like he's dying to be part of the group. we can deal with your absence. we really can. altho we like you to be around, we know u live with ah neh's so tend to be abit hard to come to the east. other than that, this christmas will be a sombre one. nothing wrong with that. just know our hat has only 5 names innit, rather than six. merry christmas to all the reveller out there. greg shaddup.
revellerS. signing out cos i have 3 pairs of eyes peEring down my shoulders.
IAN SHU UP.
shuT.
fuck off you guys
argh.
kill me now.
nOoOoOooO.
dont care why ian has to shut up.
jianhong shut up
revellerS. signing out cos i have 3 pairs of eyes peEring down my shoulders.
IAN SHU UP.
shuT.
fuck off you guys
argh.
kill me now.
nOoOoOooO.
dont care why ian has to shut up.
jianhong shut up
Friday, December 24, 2004
Monday, December 20, 2004
once again.
let's extend our arms and welcome back jh, frank, SIM, Gordon. haha. why, they're all one and the same. ever wondered how Gordon came about? anyway it was a name for good old sim jh a few years back. the old TEG(shaun, jh and me) were just hanging out after our usual supper at the KPT. walking over from there to jh's house, he asked us whether he should just an english name. you know, for business next time. he wanted to think of a serious name, one that adds weight and lends a certain maturity. so we gave it to him. Gordon. he hated it. so for us, it stuck. Gordon Sim JH. or rather Frank Gordon Sim JH now. haha, welcome back my friend. how's shanghai?
speaking of which, the accident yesterday was actually i suppose one of the luckier ones, i guess. since no one was really hurt in a gruesome way. the worst we saw of the 3 was a guy lying on the road, looking real dazed and bleeding from the nose and mouth. but somehow the thought of it struck me with numbing fear. it could've been alot worse, if not for their helmets. death is always gonna be a touchy subject. makes me remember about the time where my own army helmet saved my life. haha i bet none of you know of it, even TEG.
well, for those interested, it was during Ex. Spade in OCS then. digging trenches for 4 days and 3 nights in a row wasn't really very fun. it was in fact downright tiring. so much so that there are people who start hallucinating from lack of sleep. people who just collapse in fatigue and doze off halfway through digging. well my buddy and i were digging one such trench. it was the wee early hours of the morning of day 3, it was his turn to dig and mine to stay at the bottom to collect the loose soil he dug up to carry it to the surface. and so he was digging and i was collecting until i heard an ominous 'cunk' and got stunned for a moment. his hoe, the massive digging thing, hit my head. helmet rather. and left a mark there for all in the future to see. trust me, it wasn't easy to leave a dent in the army helmet, especially since it could deflect bullets. well, so out of concern, he stopped and asked me whether i was alright. thanks to the helmet i was and so i told him that i just need to sit for a while(recover from shock, heh) and so being the nice guy he was he sat to check if i was alright. well in the end, all i could say was, we were soon 5 hours behind everyone. oh oh, yeah, the moral of the story is that helmets saves lives.
anyway back to yesterday. national treasure is was quite a good show. with ms diane kruger. aka, ms helen of troy. aka, ms pretty hot according to cai. the story though was quite predictable actually. typical adventure thingy. the guys kept complaining it was so like angels and demons by dan brown. always following clues running around the world. etcetc. i wouldn't know. i don't read. all i know is the national treasure, which was 'too great for any one man to have, even the king', was such a obscene amount of bling that it made my lil heart flutter. for a moment. and to top it off, we saw star wars 3 trailer. dubbed revenge of the sith. ms natalie portman. beauty with brain personified. 'Lord Vader..', 'Yes, my master.(in that asthmatic voice)', 'Arise.' oooh, such ominous words.
speaking of which, the accident yesterday was actually i suppose one of the luckier ones, i guess. since no one was really hurt in a gruesome way. the worst we saw of the 3 was a guy lying on the road, looking real dazed and bleeding from the nose and mouth. but somehow the thought of it struck me with numbing fear. it could've been alot worse, if not for their helmets. death is always gonna be a touchy subject. makes me remember about the time where my own army helmet saved my life. haha i bet none of you know of it, even TEG.
well, for those interested, it was during Ex. Spade in OCS then. digging trenches for 4 days and 3 nights in a row wasn't really very fun. it was in fact downright tiring. so much so that there are people who start hallucinating from lack of sleep. people who just collapse in fatigue and doze off halfway through digging. well my buddy and i were digging one such trench. it was the wee early hours of the morning of day 3, it was his turn to dig and mine to stay at the bottom to collect the loose soil he dug up to carry it to the surface. and so he was digging and i was collecting until i heard an ominous 'cunk' and got stunned for a moment. his hoe, the massive digging thing, hit my head. helmet rather. and left a mark there for all in the future to see. trust me, it wasn't easy to leave a dent in the army helmet, especially since it could deflect bullets. well, so out of concern, he stopped and asked me whether i was alright. thanks to the helmet i was and so i told him that i just need to sit for a while(recover from shock, heh) and so being the nice guy he was he sat to check if i was alright. well in the end, all i could say was, we were soon 5 hours behind everyone. oh oh, yeah, the moral of the story is that helmets saves lives.
anyway back to yesterday. national treasure is was quite a good show. with ms diane kruger. aka, ms helen of troy. aka, ms pretty hot according to cai. the story though was quite predictable actually. typical adventure thingy. the guys kept complaining it was so like angels and demons by dan brown. always following clues running around the world. etcetc. i wouldn't know. i don't read. all i know is the national treasure, which was 'too great for any one man to have, even the king', was such a obscene amount of bling that it made my lil heart flutter. for a moment. and to top it off, we saw star wars 3 trailer. dubbed revenge of the sith. ms natalie portman. beauty with brain personified. 'Lord Vader..', 'Yes, my master.(in that asthmatic voice)', 'Arise.' oooh, such ominous words.
G'DAY FROM AUSTRALIA
feeling guilty of not going to camp.
thurs and fri mc. and leave today.
but its festive season dammit, and amy reasons are valid. why must a feel this way?. i wanna enjoy my leave too uknow.
sigh...anyway. got work so must make the best of tmr before xmas.
yday was great, walking around town shopping with greg ian shaun and dawn. quite rarely we gotta girl to go gaigai with us. unfortunately its abit unnerving the amount of inside jokes we had, and im sure we all hope dawn didnt mind. she handles it VERY well i must say, being the cool person she is. but this pandemic whereby all the girls in school seemed to have become more sombre is also well reflected in her. the craziness seemed t have been sucked outta them over the past school year. maybe its work, or boys or age. either ways girls of today are a far cry from yesterday. look at dawn now, she's all woman now and i think the guys would agree that we had a hard time trying not to leer. ahaha.. well she gets to choose her outfits so, at least i didnt get to see any metal.
oright after that we went for dinner and lan and movie at cine. spent quite a few hours day. record by any standards for sure.... i enjoyed lan, me and Ian. greg and shaun. and shaun's friends..the typical ac guys, also sombre by any standards. zhiguangs a scout!..hahaha well least somebody is. yea then we shared a cab home. ohyea, saw some accident where 3 people were lying on the road at 2am. very sad. please people be careful on the roads. motorbike hit an ah neh and then all 3 of them including pillion were just lying on the road outside city hall motionless. please people. try your best everyday to stay in one piece.
poor greg and shaun, going back to camp this morning musta sucked. nvm hang in there k.
im bored without u guys anyway so its no better. as for ian, oh yea pissed the shit outta be, but i think he's apologised and the one hour wait was forgetten really quick.
-gnawl-
bought my earphones.
today, i marry my guitar.
where's entertainment?!
thurs and fri mc. and leave today.
but its festive season dammit, and amy reasons are valid. why must a feel this way?. i wanna enjoy my leave too uknow.
sigh...anyway. got work so must make the best of tmr before xmas.
yday was great, walking around town shopping with greg ian shaun and dawn. quite rarely we gotta girl to go gaigai with us. unfortunately its abit unnerving the amount of inside jokes we had, and im sure we all hope dawn didnt mind. she handles it VERY well i must say, being the cool person she is. but this pandemic whereby all the girls in school seemed to have become more sombre is also well reflected in her. the craziness seemed t have been sucked outta them over the past school year. maybe its work, or boys or age. either ways girls of today are a far cry from yesterday. look at dawn now, she's all woman now and i think the guys would agree that we had a hard time trying not to leer. ahaha.. well she gets to choose her outfits so, at least i didnt get to see any metal.
oright after that we went for dinner and lan and movie at cine. spent quite a few hours day. record by any standards for sure.... i enjoyed lan, me and Ian. greg and shaun. and shaun's friends..the typical ac guys, also sombre by any standards. zhiguangs a scout!..hahaha well least somebody is. yea then we shared a cab home. ohyea, saw some accident where 3 people were lying on the road at 2am. very sad. please people be careful on the roads. motorbike hit an ah neh and then all 3 of them including pillion were just lying on the road outside city hall motionless. please people. try your best everyday to stay in one piece.
poor greg and shaun, going back to camp this morning musta sucked. nvm hang in there k.
im bored without u guys anyway so its no better. as for ian, oh yea pissed the shit outta be, but i think he's apologised and the one hour wait was forgetten really quick.
-gnawl-
bought my earphones.
today, i marry my guitar.
where's entertainment?!
Friday, December 17, 2004
shanghai tan
well at last i'm at shanghai.
after days in suzhou, wuxi, hangzhou i'm finally in shanghai.
this place is really pretty amazing. you'd never thought china would become like this.
as i was walking beside huangpu river on the puxi side, it feels like a dream.
wind blowing in your face, jacket pulled up to the neck, looking at the old colonial buildings spruced up to house modern banks, makes me wanna stay here forever.
well the chinese are very proud with their new shanghai, well they ought to be.
tmr's shopping. hope i get to see more dvds to buy. haha shaun sorry i left the place which sold naruto dvds already. tmr i'll try to find k ?
hangzhou was very pretty too. every turn in the garden looked like a picture perfect chinese painting. best place to retire, to get away from the hustle of the rat race. oh my mom loved the place so much she said shes gonna come back next year.
and did i mention my parents spent 300 bucks buying this teapot named " zi zhu chang le" pardon my hanyu pinyin. madness.
after days in suzhou, wuxi, hangzhou i'm finally in shanghai.
this place is really pretty amazing. you'd never thought china would become like this.
as i was walking beside huangpu river on the puxi side, it feels like a dream.
wind blowing in your face, jacket pulled up to the neck, looking at the old colonial buildings spruced up to house modern banks, makes me wanna stay here forever.
well the chinese are very proud with their new shanghai, well they ought to be.
tmr's shopping. hope i get to see more dvds to buy. haha shaun sorry i left the place which sold naruto dvds already. tmr i'll try to find k ?
hangzhou was very pretty too. every turn in the garden looked like a picture perfect chinese painting. best place to retire, to get away from the hustle of the rat race. oh my mom loved the place so much she said shes gonna come back next year.
and did i mention my parents spent 300 bucks buying this teapot named " zi zhu chang le" pardon my hanyu pinyin. madness.
psalm 23
the Lord is my shepherd
i shall not want
he makes me lie down in green pastures
he leads me beside quiet waters
he restores my soul
and guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death
i will fear no evil
for you are with me
your rod and your staff they comfort me
you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies
you anoint my head with oil
my cup overflows
surely goodness and mercy will follow me
all the days of my life
and i will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
i shall not want
he makes me lie down in green pastures
he leads me beside quiet waters
he restores my soul
and guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death
i will fear no evil
for you are with me
your rod and your staff they comfort me
you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies
you anoint my head with oil
my cup overflows
surely goodness and mercy will follow me
all the days of my life
and i will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
dick lee
omg, i digged up my old dick lee cd.
this trusty cd had a great part in helping me focus on my exams 2 years back.
and that song, ooh the windchime song. its so shiok.
i dont even know why.
im still looking for my ocs collections cd, for a good reminiscing time.
the past only serves to motivate you to make today better.
cos eventually today will be remembered.
i just found out from a friend that many people arent looking for a lifelong partner.
overtly. so its more of for fun and experience isnt it?.
and so, why not make it happy and sweet always?
and even if u are looking for a lifelong partner, keep it simple and sweet wont you?.
dont let norms or mindsets hamper your life.
dont fall sick no. u cant fall sick.
you're perfect. falling sick is not possible.
this trusty cd had a great part in helping me focus on my exams 2 years back.
and that song, ooh the windchime song. its so shiok.
i dont even know why.
im still looking for my ocs collections cd, for a good reminiscing time.
the past only serves to motivate you to make today better.
cos eventually today will be remembered.
i just found out from a friend that many people arent looking for a lifelong partner.
overtly. so its more of for fun and experience isnt it?.
and so, why not make it happy and sweet always?
and even if u are looking for a lifelong partner, keep it simple and sweet wont you?.
dont let norms or mindsets hamper your life.
dont fall sick no. u cant fall sick.
you're perfect. falling sick is not possible.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
too much thinking..
alright a big hello to everyone! i'm finally back... and i must say being an instructor in taiwan is absolutely the greatest! thanks to everyone who missed me! haha... and thanks to those who didn't miss me as well... when i walked thru the doors after picking up my luggage, i was kinda disappointed the she wasn't there... but i guess that's expected. (there's always the ambiguous shes' in shaun's blogs right? hahah. read where applicable)
anyway taiwan was like a reality trip for me. like a monk who has just been enlightened after walking to his temple somewhere far away and back. so i shall tell all of you what i've learnt, or come to realize about myself, after being extremely relaxed and taken care of in taiwan (not forgetting the times i've spent in solitude reading and reading...).
firstly, i've asked myself this over and over again during the 3 weeks:
"if you could be happy, really happy, for just awhile, but you knew from the start it would end in sadness and bring pain afterwards, would you choose to have that happiness or would you avoid it?"
and to this question i would answer yes with all my heart. yes this means i'm impetuous, irrational and impatient. and this is probably the source of my screw ups in life. but what the hell, i'm happy right? i'm doing what i want and taking risks, daring myself in ways i never would... and that itself is a joy. certain examples include prelims (wc3 lol) and of course love. this will be the way i live my life... something i wouldn't change because to me, it's worth it.
and to answer all of you, to give you guys an explanation for my indifference these few months, to my seclusion and withdrawel from the present living world, to my inferiority complex (haha some get my complaining worse than others - thx e*) and finally to my emotional masochism, i will tell you shaun is craving love. wait, don't hang up, turn away or cringe. i've put much thought into that senseless cliche of a phrase. One of the reasons why i crave love, and seek it so desperately, is that love is the only cure for loneliness, and shame and sorrow. But some feelings sink so deep into my heart that only loneliness can help me find them again. Some truths about myself are so painful that only shame can help me live with them. and somethings are just so sad that only my soul can do the crying for me. Without love, all i have are the three things.. loneliness above all. so i'm very sorry for being a depressed freak, and pissing everyone off.. i'm sorry for mumbling everytime i talk, and keeping to myself all the time. i'm especially sorry for my irritable nature, and expecting the world to revolve around me (but it should, shouldn't it?).
And loneliness? why is it that loneliness is what i have above all? loneliness takes everything, and gives us nothing in return. But for me, the nothingness that it gives me, the unfeeling emptiness it gives me, is sometimes all and everything i want...because there's a powerful emotion derived from it - hopeless depression. Always the top pick for an emotional masochist.
i understood myself better after uncovering all these about myself, and finally penning them down into words. the time spent along ridge lines on a hammock by myself for hours on end is worth it after all.. taiwan was really a nice vacation for both body and soul for me... i'm happier! finally! i still mumble though.
alright, after clearing the air, lemme continue.. christmas is coming! i haven't bought anything for the exchange present thing. can i give angbao? 50 bucks right? i give 50 bucks angbao. simple and applies to everyone. going back to camp on monday, hope to see you guys either tomorrow or the weekend.. i wanna play pool. dota? nah... going to catch up with my NFS as well. and oh my, everyone's shopping hopping mad. save money dudes..and babes, cause we'll all need it in uni.ok only applies to dudes. bah. okay shall end here. rather long post, sorry. oh yeah, MAJ Lam says i think too much, after reading my palm. how true is that...haha..
jh>> naruto! and other yummy anime. and nice epic shows! star wars epi 2... etc...and yes, dude where's my car!
ian>> no such thing as platonic unless your best girlfriend is fugly. frankly put. or if you're fugly.
lor>> call me
e*>> i got a nice handphone strap shit for you... come collect
and finally, true words of wisdom. to get the most susceptible lonely person craving love like me, out of trouble.
"It is always a fool's mistake to be alone with someone you shouldn't have loved."
anyway taiwan was like a reality trip for me. like a monk who has just been enlightened after walking to his temple somewhere far away and back. so i shall tell all of you what i've learnt, or come to realize about myself, after being extremely relaxed and taken care of in taiwan (not forgetting the times i've spent in solitude reading and reading...).
firstly, i've asked myself this over and over again during the 3 weeks:
"if you could be happy, really happy, for just awhile, but you knew from the start it would end in sadness and bring pain afterwards, would you choose to have that happiness or would you avoid it?"
and to this question i would answer yes with all my heart. yes this means i'm impetuous, irrational and impatient. and this is probably the source of my screw ups in life. but what the hell, i'm happy right? i'm doing what i want and taking risks, daring myself in ways i never would... and that itself is a joy. certain examples include prelims (wc3 lol) and of course love. this will be the way i live my life... something i wouldn't change because to me, it's worth it.
and to answer all of you, to give you guys an explanation for my indifference these few months, to my seclusion and withdrawel from the present living world, to my inferiority complex (haha some get my complaining worse than others - thx e*) and finally to my emotional masochism, i will tell you shaun is craving love. wait, don't hang up, turn away or cringe. i've put much thought into that senseless cliche of a phrase. One of the reasons why i crave love, and seek it so desperately, is that love is the only cure for loneliness, and shame and sorrow. But some feelings sink so deep into my heart that only loneliness can help me find them again. Some truths about myself are so painful that only shame can help me live with them. and somethings are just so sad that only my soul can do the crying for me. Without love, all i have are the three things.. loneliness above all. so i'm very sorry for being a depressed freak, and pissing everyone off.. i'm sorry for mumbling everytime i talk, and keeping to myself all the time. i'm especially sorry for my irritable nature, and expecting the world to revolve around me (but it should, shouldn't it?).
And loneliness? why is it that loneliness is what i have above all? loneliness takes everything, and gives us nothing in return. But for me, the nothingness that it gives me, the unfeeling emptiness it gives me, is sometimes all and everything i want...because there's a powerful emotion derived from it - hopeless depression. Always the top pick for an emotional masochist.
i understood myself better after uncovering all these about myself, and finally penning them down into words. the time spent along ridge lines on a hammock by myself for hours on end is worth it after all.. taiwan was really a nice vacation for both body and soul for me... i'm happier! finally! i still mumble though.
alright, after clearing the air, lemme continue.. christmas is coming! i haven't bought anything for the exchange present thing. can i give angbao? 50 bucks right? i give 50 bucks angbao. simple and applies to everyone. going back to camp on monday, hope to see you guys either tomorrow or the weekend.. i wanna play pool. dota? nah... going to catch up with my NFS as well. and oh my, everyone's shopping hopping mad. save money dudes..and babes, cause we'll all need it in uni.ok only applies to dudes. bah. okay shall end here. rather long post, sorry. oh yeah, MAJ Lam says i think too much, after reading my palm. how true is that...haha..
jh>> naruto! and other yummy anime. and nice epic shows! star wars epi 2... etc...and yes, dude where's my car!
ian>> no such thing as platonic unless your best girlfriend is fugly. frankly put. or if you're fugly.
lor>> call me
e*>> i got a nice handphone strap shit for you... come collect
and finally, true words of wisdom. to get the most susceptible lonely person craving love like me, out of trouble.
humdrum
1st of all let's welcome back our prodigal son from taiwan. Mr. STYX. why STYX? cos he's Shaun Tan Yu Xun. yay. due to be back anytime in the next 24hrs. what about dear sim jh? well, he's gone at least for 5 more days. so till then, The East Gang(TEG) shall stand depleted.
fyi, TEG is something started by styx, jh and me back in jc2. haha, started out as a mini clan for us while we played warcraft3 extensively DURING our prelims. or was it jc1 during promos? hmm, it's real fuzzy for me now but i remember it was during some major exam period. cos all of us lived in a small 1km radius of each other(me at Jalan Ishak, jh at Lorong Sarina and shaun happily at Lorong G), it was just natural for us to be gay and form a team. we were regulars at the now defunct GALAXY lanshop, Eunos Kopitiam(aptly called KPT) and Kim San Leng(another place similar to KPT). eventually, we broadened our circle and added in cai and greg cos lo and behold! they lived in the east as well! cai at East Coast and greg at Ceylon Road near our dear President. so the 5 of us eventually became known as the current TEG. we're usually spotted at parkway. loitering, sometimes playing pool but most of the time just DOTA-ing our lives away. 3-4 yrs down the road and somehow TEG's back at warcraft3. tsk tsk. good things always come back to you. somehow or rather. i know to alot of you readers out there, what i've just said would be absolute Greek but stand in the comfort that you are not alone. and so is the history of TEG. oh yes, TEG is but a small piece of cyberpark. as for cyberpark's history well, it's beyond even me. i hope that helped to shed some light on this shady group.
ok, back to what i was supposed to say. well something rather just occurred to me today. although it seems like maybe some of you have known for an eternity, that it's rather difficult that guys and girls have platonic relationship somehow. don't you think? i don't know but somehow or rather, there's always some string attached somewhere. if there's no string, there's no relationship, or rather there's just maybe hi bye kinda friends. light chatter kinda stuff. it's hard to meet a girl/guy who's willing to sit down and just talk or go out or play or whatever just simply because you're friends. it's not impossible, it's just very difficult. somehow someway, one side is always leaning onto hopes that the relation may turn out not so platonic. isn't that true? think about your relationships with the other side, if he/she can ask u out fine and dandy for anything at all, and you'd have no qualms about saying yes(provided you don't have an other half), do you have any personal motive? can u really just treat him/her as a good friend? and have him/her treat you back just the same?
having said that, think about this situation for awhile: a person(A) could be very eager in asking someone out, to get to know him/her(B) better. B might not be as keen or interested initially but after some time, B becomes increasing smitten with A(for whatever A has done, intentionally or unintentionally). but A may not be heading in that direction and mistakenly B thinks A is just playing around when A is just actually looking for a platonic relationship. think about it. was there anytime you were A? or were you B? sometimes when you're in this situation(esp B), you can't help but think the worst but sometimes, it's just a case of mistaken intentions. so whatever the situation, A or B should never shy away from each other cos if things go well, who knows what'll happen. if things go bad, hey, at least you still have a friendship.
my my, this is such a long post! ok, to end it off, i'll just say that it's difficult for people to express what feel and awkward too in that sense, to verbalise their emotions in such a way. so in that case, just let things flow. if it's meant to be, then it will surely be. don't force the way for it might turn out worse. for matters of the heart cannot be forced.
fyi, TEG is something started by styx, jh and me back in jc2. haha, started out as a mini clan for us while we played warcraft3 extensively DURING our prelims. or was it jc1 during promos? hmm, it's real fuzzy for me now but i remember it was during some major exam period. cos all of us lived in a small 1km radius of each other(me at Jalan Ishak, jh at Lorong Sarina and shaun happily at Lorong G), it was just natural for us to be gay and form a team. we were regulars at the now defunct GALAXY lanshop, Eunos Kopitiam(aptly called KPT) and Kim San Leng(another place similar to KPT). eventually, we broadened our circle and added in cai and greg cos lo and behold! they lived in the east as well! cai at East Coast and greg at Ceylon Road near our dear President. so the 5 of us eventually became known as the current TEG. we're usually spotted at parkway. loitering, sometimes playing pool but most of the time just DOTA-ing our lives away. 3-4 yrs down the road and somehow TEG's back at warcraft3. tsk tsk. good things always come back to you. somehow or rather. i know to alot of you readers out there, what i've just said would be absolute Greek but stand in the comfort that you are not alone. and so is the history of TEG. oh yes, TEG is but a small piece of cyberpark. as for cyberpark's history well, it's beyond even me. i hope that helped to shed some light on this shady group.
ok, back to what i was supposed to say. well something rather just occurred to me today. although it seems like maybe some of you have known for an eternity, that it's rather difficult that guys and girls have platonic relationship somehow. don't you think? i don't know but somehow or rather, there's always some string attached somewhere. if there's no string, there's no relationship, or rather there's just maybe hi bye kinda friends. light chatter kinda stuff. it's hard to meet a girl/guy who's willing to sit down and just talk or go out or play or whatever just simply because you're friends. it's not impossible, it's just very difficult. somehow someway, one side is always leaning onto hopes that the relation may turn out not so platonic. isn't that true? think about your relationships with the other side, if he/she can ask u out fine and dandy for anything at all, and you'd have no qualms about saying yes(provided you don't have an other half), do you have any personal motive? can u really just treat him/her as a good friend? and have him/her treat you back just the same?
having said that, think about this situation for awhile: a person(A) could be very eager in asking someone out, to get to know him/her(B) better. B might not be as keen or interested initially but after some time, B becomes increasing smitten with A(for whatever A has done, intentionally or unintentionally). but A may not be heading in that direction and mistakenly B thinks A is just playing around when A is just actually looking for a platonic relationship. think about it. was there anytime you were A? or were you B? sometimes when you're in this situation(esp B), you can't help but think the worst but sometimes, it's just a case of mistaken intentions. so whatever the situation, A or B should never shy away from each other cos if things go well, who knows what'll happen. if things go bad, hey, at least you still have a friendship.
my my, this is such a long post! ok, to end it off, i'll just say that it's difficult for people to express what feel and awkward too in that sense, to verbalise their emotions in such a way. so in that case, just let things flow. if it's meant to be, then it will surely be. don't force the way for it might turn out worse. for matters of the heart cannot be forced.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
dvd heaven
heyy guys hows everyone ?
shanghai's great. got out of the plane at 6am shanghai time and was left stranded on the tarmac because the bus that ferries the passengers to the terminal was packed. talk about cold. talk about service. lol the wind draft was horrible and the only thing shielding the poor group of passengers was the plane's wheels. not much of a shelter. brr.
anyways was shopping around the hotel and chanced upon this dvd/vcd/cd shop. i got a shock of my life when the owner said dvds were going for 7rmb. which is... about 1plus sing. 1 PLUS! for a pirated one la... but still?!! i bought bags of dvds and cds. let you'll see them when i get back.. godfather series, pianist, incredibles, terminal, windtalkers, some old shows but classics. heh. especially windtalkers. for GREG! still remember that time? you jio us go watch the show but u didn't watch it.. i wonder why....
will be going to hangzhou tmr for a day of scenery and greenery and mountainery. think i'll be sleeping on the coach instead.. btw shaun if u see this, i saw a naruto dvd set episodes 1-111 for 16rmb which is 3 sing bucks? do you want it ? msg me quickly...
another time,
jh
shanghai's great. got out of the plane at 6am shanghai time and was left stranded on the tarmac because the bus that ferries the passengers to the terminal was packed. talk about cold. talk about service. lol the wind draft was horrible and the only thing shielding the poor group of passengers was the plane's wheels. not much of a shelter. brr.
anyways was shopping around the hotel and chanced upon this dvd/vcd/cd shop. i got a shock of my life when the owner said dvds were going for 7rmb. which is... about 1plus sing. 1 PLUS! for a pirated one la... but still?!! i bought bags of dvds and cds. let you'll see them when i get back.. godfather series, pianist, incredibles, terminal, windtalkers, some old shows but classics. heh. especially windtalkers. for GREG! still remember that time? you jio us go watch the show but u didn't watch it.. i wonder why....
will be going to hangzhou tmr for a day of scenery and greenery and mountainery. think i'll be sleeping on the coach instead.. btw shaun if u see this, i saw a naruto dvd set episodes 1-111 for 16rmb which is 3 sing bucks? do you want it ? msg me quickly...
another time,
jh
rather interesting.
i picked this up from the net:
This is very interesting. See if you have a problem reading it:
I cdnuol't blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thuohgt slpeling was ipmorantt!
kinda cool.
me and my Aldo shoes: 18-12-04
This is very interesting. See if you have a problem reading it:
I cdnuol't blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thuohgt slpeling was ipmorantt!
kinda cool.
me and my Aldo shoes: 18-12-04
Monday, December 13, 2004
atm, cash, credit, cheques.
did i say that ashley judd's the most desirable woman?
any lookalikes out there.?. please call 6-ISLEPTWITHSANTA.
sigh taking leave is boring. somebody save my wrecthed soul.
sunder?
any lookalikes out there.?. please call 6-ISLEPTWITHSANTA.
sigh taking leave is boring. somebody save my wrecthed soul.
sunder?
bottomless hole- tanya chua
ian didnt mention that was my bedsheets in the background of his xmas collection eh. haha...damn gay. dunno what kinda arrangement until ian sleep on my bed and i sleep on the mattress. anyway, the last two days of shopping in town with ian was good, tho we didnt see many people in town, spying on kaixiang or contemplating picking up girls who were checking out calvin klein boxers were particularly memorable. haha well here's cai's christmas shoppping bounty, unlike ian, i didnt spend half my pay yet, unfortunately my shopping isnt done yet.
versace baby blue jeans edt x2
dior addict edt
clinique simply edt
lancome miracle homme edt - $60 donated to sasa foundation
renoma boxers x2
bum equipment boxers - $30 donated to isetan singapore
black shoes - $159 donated to zara (i went with ian remember?)
my sis took the clinique simply already. and i gave one of the versace edts away, so girls please apply for one. grand prize is the aldo ring which has been sitting on my desk waiting for me to give away to someone special. haha im such a fucking slut. got someone in mind for the dior cos she's an addict. but i dont have that many girl friends so i guess i could hold on to them.
and as for the rest, they're all mine..haha....as ian said. merry christmas to me.=]
i need a new phone too, bloody samsung x430 sucks so bad. no wonder they paid me to use the phone. and the customer service personnel were great. cept they didnt fix the problem.
swine..
playing in the background so soothingly is my new chinese cd. haha that cost 20 bucks but thats not counted its priceless.
all i want for christmas, honestly, is stability.
versace baby blue jeans edt x2
dior addict edt
clinique simply edt
lancome miracle homme edt - $60 donated to sasa foundation
renoma boxers x2
bum equipment boxers - $30 donated to isetan singapore
black shoes - $159 donated to zara (i went with ian remember?)
my sis took the clinique simply already. and i gave one of the versace edts away, so girls please apply for one. grand prize is the aldo ring which has been sitting on my desk waiting for me to give away to someone special. haha im such a fucking slut. got someone in mind for the dior cos she's an addict. but i dont have that many girl friends so i guess i could hold on to them.
and as for the rest, they're all mine..haha....as ian said. merry christmas to me.=]
i need a new phone too, bloody samsung x430 sucks so bad. no wonder they paid me to use the phone. and the customer service personnel were great. cept they didnt fix the problem.
swine..
playing in the background so soothingly is my new chinese cd. haha that cost 20 bucks but thats not counted its priceless.
all i want for christmas, honestly, is stability.
(s)hopping mad!
this weekend has been insane for me. a whirlwind of shopping. shopping mad!!
Zara checkered long sleeve shirt: $89.90
Zara dark blue boxers: $17.90
Zara Mr. Fantastic white tee: $34.90
Zara EDT:$52.90
Clinique Happy for men: $42.90
Aldo Morandi black leather loafers: $269.00
Merry Christmas.... to me!!
oh oh, i'm sorry. Merry Christmas to all you guys too yeah?
Fact of the Day(FotD): You know you really like something/someone when it's/they're all you have on your mind. =)
Zara checkered long sleeve shirt: $89.90
Zara dark blue boxers: $17.90
Zara Mr. Fantastic white tee: $34.90
Zara EDT:$52.90
Clinique Happy for men: $42.90
Aldo Morandi black leather loafers: $269.00
Merry Christmas.... to me!!
oh oh, i'm sorry. Merry Christmas to all you guys too yeah?
Fact of the Day(FotD): You know you really like something/someone when it's/they're all you have on your mind. =)
Saturday, December 11, 2004
thank God.
ok whats with my week ? i'm at the lanshop again, hah with cai on my left and ian on my right. yep yesterday was great. went for Guards dinner and dance and thought it was a freaking waste of money. 90 bucks in furama hotel, can you believe it? more ex than prom in ritz.. anyways my mood changed when i heard " and 7th prize is 087!!" .. i was like, ok i think thats me. THATS ME! won myself a dvd home theatre set. goodness. had to LUG it all the way to parkway from furama cos dota beckoned and LUGGED it back home.
ok. today was great too, went for dental with my mom and spent 250 laminating my teeth. *smile* went for katong laksa with her and visited grace at awfully chocolate! i tell you, the chocolate icecreams and cakes there are delicious. beautiful shop, quality food and fantastic music cos i put in my frank sinatra sax cd. b-e-a-u-tifulll.
went shopping with ian and cai at zara cos i was looking for a jacket for my trip to shanghai next week. picked up this brown rusty leather jacket and they both agreed its damn nice so i bought it! went searching for a present for my mom next and walked into lee hwa.. yeh its been a long time since i bought her something, and if i bought my mom something, she deserves much much more than anyone in this world. settled for a nice diamond necklance. not too ex la, i'm on a budget.
left the guys for cell group at 5 and had a great time there too. so there. i'm back here. dota-ing.
-
it is only at his time, when all things seemed beautiful.
ok whats with my week ? i'm at the lanshop again, hah with cai on my left and ian on my right. yep yesterday was great. went for Guards dinner and dance and thought it was a freaking waste of money. 90 bucks in furama hotel, can you believe it? more ex than prom in ritz.. anyways my mood changed when i heard " and 7th prize is 087!!" .. i was like, ok i think thats me. THATS ME! won myself a dvd home theatre set. goodness. had to LUG it all the way to parkway from furama cos dota beckoned and LUGGED it back home.
ok. today was great too, went for dental with my mom and spent 250 laminating my teeth. *smile* went for katong laksa with her and visited grace at awfully chocolate! i tell you, the chocolate icecreams and cakes there are delicious. beautiful shop, quality food and fantastic music cos i put in my frank sinatra sax cd. b-e-a-u-tifulll.
went shopping with ian and cai at zara cos i was looking for a jacket for my trip to shanghai next week. picked up this brown rusty leather jacket and they both agreed its damn nice so i bought it! went searching for a present for my mom next and walked into lee hwa.. yeh its been a long time since i bought her something, and if i bought my mom something, she deserves much much more than anyone in this world. settled for a nice diamond necklance. not too ex la, i'm on a budget.
left the guys for cell group at 5 and had a great time there too. so there. i'm back here. dota-ing.
-
it is only at his time, when all things seemed beautiful.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
new
something new has overcome me.
ffx.
i can't seem to stop playing it, its damn nice! yes call me slow.. but its a good game. and i've only started playing. so don't spoil the game by telling me the ending. shh!
anyways, guys i'll be going off to shanghai next week, so anything you'll want ? i think i'll be doing most of my christmas shopping there..
messenger bags anyone?
quick quick 2004 end quick..
ffx.
i can't seem to stop playing it, its damn nice! yes call me slow.. but its a good game. and i've only started playing. so don't spoil the game by telling me the ending. shh!
anyways, guys i'll be going off to shanghai next week, so anything you'll want ? i think i'll be doing most of my christmas shopping there..
messenger bags anyone?
quick quick 2004 end quick..
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
late
in many ways late. photos were hell late. too lazy to post em up. thanks to the wonders of technology. bluetoothed from phone to computer and hello-ed to blogspot. this bluetooth thingy is starting to get real handy.
anyway, back to zoukout. seb fontaine, satoshi tomiie, timo maas, jazzy jeff and my beloved andrew chow. nothing compares to this anywhere else on the island. words fail me. and i danced the night away. somehow, walking back to rasa on barefeet wasn't such a great idea. halfway down the road, up pops comes a convenient bus. flag it down and ride it home.
late also coz, what in the world am i up so late? 5am and not asleep. i could only be playing half life 2. sadly, it seems that i'm done with it. last shot out. bang bang boom. roll credits. honestly, it's a great game. striking down gunships and striders with RPGs while risking instant death was downright pants-wetting. mmm, looks like i'm gonna be done with NFSU2 soon as well. 10-star rating, fully souped up Miata MX-5, RX-8 and Audi TT. yeah, a few races and it's over. time for new distractions? WoW? are u drooling yet shaun? at 130bucks, it's one expensive game to buy. at an extra US30(?) bucks / month, and it becomes insane. but it looks cool. we'll see how it goes.
games have taken over my life. this week alone, between zoukout and now, my schedule is just gaming and meeting the guys down east, for? more games. (notice the lack of SLEEP) the only time i slept and oh so soundly was right after zoukout. haha collapsed on the bed and laid there till the end of time. end of our time really, coz we had to 'book out' (right, cai?) by 12. apparently, hamsters were spotted in our room, while i was asleep. tsk, pity i couldn't catch a glimpse.
i'm sorry if my chain of thought is screwed. i haven't slept since 12 on sunday. brain's a lil messed up by my lack of sleep and intense radiation from the computer. well anyway, time for me to take to my bed now. FINALLY. let us rejoice. sorry. let ME rejoice.
oh yeah, i need more msn contacts. but i'm too lazy to add people, while some people just don't like to share contacts, so, why not u all add me instead? del_x@hotmail.com. chat?
anyway, back to zoukout. seb fontaine, satoshi tomiie, timo maas, jazzy jeff and my beloved andrew chow. nothing compares to this anywhere else on the island. words fail me. and i danced the night away. somehow, walking back to rasa on barefeet wasn't such a great idea. halfway down the road, up pops comes a convenient bus. flag it down and ride it home.
late also coz, what in the world am i up so late? 5am and not asleep. i could only be playing half life 2. sadly, it seems that i'm done with it. last shot out. bang bang boom. roll credits. honestly, it's a great game. striking down gunships and striders with RPGs while risking instant death was downright pants-wetting. mmm, looks like i'm gonna be done with NFSU2 soon as well. 10-star rating, fully souped up Miata MX-5, RX-8 and Audi TT. yeah, a few races and it's over. time for new distractions? WoW? are u drooling yet shaun? at 130bucks, it's one expensive game to buy. at an extra US30(?) bucks / month, and it becomes insane. but it looks cool. we'll see how it goes.
games have taken over my life. this week alone, between zoukout and now, my schedule is just gaming and meeting the guys down east, for? more games. (notice the lack of SLEEP) the only time i slept and oh so soundly was right after zoukout. haha collapsed on the bed and laid there till the end of time. end of our time really, coz we had to 'book out' (right, cai?) by 12. apparently, hamsters were spotted in our room, while i was asleep. tsk, pity i couldn't catch a glimpse.
i'm sorry if my chain of thought is screwed. i haven't slept since 12 on sunday. brain's a lil messed up by my lack of sleep and intense radiation from the computer. well anyway, time for me to take to my bed now. FINALLY. let us rejoice. sorry. let ME rejoice.
oh yeah, i need more msn contacts. but i'm too lazy to add people, while some people just don't like to share contacts, so, why not u all add me instead? del_x@hotmail.com. chat?
Monday, December 06, 2004
from her, for her.
for lisa
winter,
love's always in the air
blind cupid shooting arrows everywhere
i've been wounded by one thats going to change my life complete
vows of love for eternity exchange and meant to keep
but you broke it.
words just can't explain the pain and my feelings
how can you mend back the pain, without meaning ?
spring,
love remains in my heart
only time can prove my love for you, but
give me a chance and not just let it pass through
i want to say i'm sorry and for all the hurt i've caused you
please come back to me again
summer,
love's playing games with me
images in which superficial sights give
hey, stop cheating my feelings already
i've cried for you too much
that my tears seem to lose its touch
Autumn,
love's saddest season of all
the feelings wither, the leaves fall
i'm still praying and waiting for you
that one day, my wish will come true
and i can whisper how much i love you
winter,
love's always in the air
blind cupid shooting arrows everywhere
i've been wounded by one thats going to change my life complete
vows of love for eternity exchange and meant to keep
but you broke it.
words just can't explain the pain and my feelings
how can you mend back the pain, without meaning ?
spring,
love remains in my heart
only time can prove my love for you, but
give me a chance and not just let it pass through
i want to say i'm sorry and for all the hurt i've caused you
please come back to me again
summer,
love's playing games with me
images in which superficial sights give
hey, stop cheating my feelings already
i've cried for you too much
that my tears seem to lose its touch
Autumn,
love's saddest season of all
the feelings wither, the leaves fall
i'm still praying and waiting for you
that one day, my wish will come true
and i can whisper how much i love you
boulevard of broken dreams
yeah zoukout was fun. didn't you guys see me? i was with this hot chick.
it's starting to freeze around here. i'm shivering everyday. and the blanket is too thin. i haven't been doing much, the next time i'm supposed to go outfield is on the 9th. for ex finale. then after that it's glorious rnr! coming back soon to the people who love and miss me(hurhur). can't wait. only regret is that i've to go back to work. oh the politics. i can smell it from here.
funny how sometimes somethings have to go wrong before it can become right. and sometimes people have to do silly, dangerous things to get the right attention. and then the first sentence can apply. clueless? good.
friends are the best things in the world. that's all i can say...
holy grail?. hahha..shit.
okay its cai's turn. unfortunately this sms whore doesnt have a nice camera inbuilt in my phone.
quote me at 6am. "anybody has a handphone in the camera?" zouk out was fun=]. i mean u dont have to love timo mas and paul van dyk to have a good time right. give me andrew chow and some retro shit anytime. kenneth really made me laugh like mad man.. his gang is seriously one big piece of hilarious shit. damn pro too.
watched a documentary on local music today, and andrew chow was there. i really like the dude.
no famous rnb dj's out there to give him some competition?. heh... well for my first zoukout, it was good i must say. worth all that money spent. well im sorry, cant put a finger on it. just know it was good yea. missed shaun and jianhong. but yea. they mature so fast they're starting to make babies already. and i still have no girlfriend.
heh.
abit of a block here. ahha...reminiscing suddenly made my mind go blank.
signing off here.
somebody soothe my aching feet.
quote me at 6am. "anybody has a handphone in the camera?" zouk out was fun=]. i mean u dont have to love timo mas and paul van dyk to have a good time right. give me andrew chow and some retro shit anytime. kenneth really made me laugh like mad man.. his gang is seriously one big piece of hilarious shit. damn pro too.
watched a documentary on local music today, and andrew chow was there. i really like the dude.
no famous rnb dj's out there to give him some competition?. heh... well for my first zoukout, it was good i must say. worth all that money spent. well im sorry, cant put a finger on it. just know it was good yea. missed shaun and jianhong. but yea. they mature so fast they're starting to make babies already. and i still have no girlfriend.
heh.
abit of a block here. ahha...reminiscing suddenly made my mind go blank.
signing off here.
somebody soothe my aching feet.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
ZOUK OUT
A flaming success if i can say so myself.
so many big names, so little time. trudging up n down tanjong beach was still well worth it. All i can say is tt zouk out is back. no more muddy marina south. its back where it really belongs. sand between ur feet, sea breeze in ur face! wheeet! haha
FUP ( or form up pt ) for the benefit of those who do not understand the term was room 858 at the rasa sentosa. Personel involved---lau, ian, cai, david, yuehow, jess(ahem) n lastly myself.Before anything we anted up n Movement down to the beach bare footed was the decision made. was regretting it a lil but hey when i got there n saw all the homeless slippers lying all over the place, i realised tt it was a good call.
Met many many ppl. lets see to name a few there were the army friends, jill, shar n char, sab, nic mok, liwen, joanna, tiff, mig, haaran, emil etc etc.
spent most of the time at the main arena where all the international dj's were spinning with the occasional walk to the mambo jumbo section to please a few die hard r&b lovers.
hmm kk shall leave the rest of the details to the other members of the crew. can say im suffering from severe sleep deprevation. 24km on thurs, woke up early for BMTC family day on sat n slept 3 hrs max after the event due to reasons i refuse to elaborate on. Breakfast was outstanding tho.. right lau?
haha n in conclusion. i think the hamsters were damn cute! shall respect their decision n not post anything in relation to tt =) apologies for the lack of flow. my thoughts are still a lil jumbled up. good night everyone!. till next yr.
so many big names, so little time. trudging up n down tanjong beach was still well worth it. All i can say is tt zouk out is back. no more muddy marina south. its back where it really belongs. sand between ur feet, sea breeze in ur face! wheeet! haha
FUP ( or form up pt ) for the benefit of those who do not understand the term was room 858 at the rasa sentosa. Personel involved---lau, ian, cai, david, yuehow, jess(ahem) n lastly myself.Before anything we anted up n Movement down to the beach bare footed was the decision made. was regretting it a lil but hey when i got there n saw all the homeless slippers lying all over the place, i realised tt it was a good call.
Met many many ppl. lets see to name a few there were the army friends, jill, shar n char, sab, nic mok, liwen, joanna, tiff, mig, haaran, emil etc etc.
spent most of the time at the main arena where all the international dj's were spinning with the occasional walk to the mambo jumbo section to please a few die hard r&b lovers.
hmm kk shall leave the rest of the details to the other members of the crew. can say im suffering from severe sleep deprevation. 24km on thurs, woke up early for BMTC family day on sat n slept 3 hrs max after the event due to reasons i refuse to elaborate on. Breakfast was outstanding tho.. right lau?
haha n in conclusion. i think the hamsters were damn cute! shall respect their decision n not post anything in relation to tt =) apologies for the lack of flow. my thoughts are still a lil jumbled up. good night everyone!. till next yr.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
and all things must come to an end..
hello from lovely taiwan... just came back from ex Red Beret.. was outfield since monday. Did you know that red beret is now 2 and a half days? and they walk less than 20km. without rifle and helmet as well.. i feel so cheated. some teams finished on the first day afternoon. haha... oh well. Outfield was fun. all i did was man the Log point/relay point/Central with my PC and chief safety, 3 sigs and a medic. not forgetting 4 of my own Bn drivers. pretty fun! sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep. cook canned food, wait for ninja van, drink some taiwan alcohol (pretty strong! 58%. burns your throat and makes you all warm inside in less than 5 mins). i slept on the ridgeline for 2 nights. hammock + sleeping bag + gortex + gloves + snow cap makes shaun a happy boy. listened to all my mp3s the whole outfield. i love the time spent alone on my hammock just swinging away, listening to jazz and sometimes if i'm sinful, rnb, and just feeling the wind swirl all around me. seriously good stuff.
typhoon supposedly to hit tomorrow - it's just a rumour or something but i don't mind - i just hope that nothing will affect the rnr. really looking forward to it. it's 9days till rnr, 2 exercises left, and all i'm supposed to do is be enemy for both of them. I LOVE THIS PLACE! miss you all lots, bet i'm being trashed in NFS now... 'm using an rx 8 with star rating 6.5. i think you guys prob unlocked all the god damned cars by now. plus dota. all pros now i can see. who's going to WoW with me? noone. ok my post is getting erratic.
christmas is coming. and i ran out of things to type. will post pictures when i get a chance. which means when i get home.
lau>> condolences, take care alright? if you need anything just lemme know...
typhoon supposedly to hit tomorrow - it's just a rumour or something but i don't mind - i just hope that nothing will affect the rnr. really looking forward to it. it's 9days till rnr, 2 exercises left, and all i'm supposed to do is be enemy for both of them. I LOVE THIS PLACE! miss you all lots, bet i'm being trashed in NFS now... 'm using an rx 8 with star rating 6.5. i think you guys prob unlocked all the god damned cars by now. plus dota. all pros now i can see. who's going to WoW with me? noone. ok my post is getting erratic.
christmas is coming. and i ran out of things to type. will post pictures when i get a chance. which means when i get home.
lau>> condolences, take care alright? if you need anything just lemme know...
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