my thoughtless

this was supposed to be the 7th time i visit here and leave nothing, but i was determined to write. i've so much in my mind that i can't put to words OR that the feeling's all but gone and writing them would have no point. well anyway, here goes:

i wanted to talk about friendship cos of all the crap happening lately. between friends, there will no doubt be fights, quarrels and disagreements. what stops them from becoming enemies is the bond they share as friends. no doubt in anger we piss each other off. no doubt in frustration we rail at one another. but if you're unable to look past such small matters and understand that bad tempers make friends do things they regret, then i guess the bond wasn't so strong such that it can withstand such a blow. i believe our friendship is more than this. many times we piss each other off more than this, many times we quarrel over worse matters but we've always recovered. perhaps instead of bearing the grudge in your heart, think about how our bonds have weathered all storms and think about whether it's worth it to throw it all away just because of something as insignificant as an angry man's rants. if you think i'm talking about that incident you bet i am. come back eugene. no doubt dota's taken over us and the east is kinda far for you, no doubt we don't club as much together anymore, no doubt you've gotten new priorities in life now but it's also no doubt that you are still our friend. cai's apologised for his own rashness and he really wants to clarify the matter with you. he's been trying to get to talk to you. help him and it'll help you and help us all. ok?

i am diseased. not of the physical, not of the mind. but of the heart. something's wrong, can't figure it out. i am also plagued. by indecisiveness. i think i once wrote that the first step to being a man is to be decisive. actually i am decisive, about other people's matters. but totally wishy washy on my own. guess i'm still very much a boy then. a 20 yr old one.

speaking of 20 yrs. someone recently asked me when i'm getting married. i was thinking i'm only 20. but then again i was in primary school only 8 yrs back so, another 8 yrs? mrs tan? junior tan? i really don't know. maybe 30+? life simply put, is unpredictable. who knows? *bang*. =)

once again this song has returned to haunt me. calling to me. binding me to it. guess i feel a bond to this song. somehow, i don't know. when i close my eyes, i could almost hear a silent cry within. 'insensatez'. translated: 'how insensitive'

wait. i could almost sense someone watching intently at this..... waiting for the right moment..... and.....

'REFRESH!'