random feelings

blogging mania cos i can't sleep. pardon me and my nonsense.

i believe at our time and age, we should be able to do things on our own will such that in a way we look back not in regret but in a way where we'll say: hey, at least i tried. i want to jump into something and expose myself to the full glory of it and pop out saying it was great! sigh but i know that's impossible. sometimes you want in but you're confused, you don't know what's going on and you don't wanna hurt people if things fail. the fear of failure takes over and you'd leave, thinking things would be much better off if it'd never started. you retreat and brood over it, to realise you wanna try again only to find out that your chance has gone and left long ago.

as i've said, sometimes you wanna jump into something only to see that there's so much to consider that you start to fear and you only wanna go away cos you don't want to fear. you don't want to fail. you don't want to feel hurt anymore. lock yourself within you shall and mask yourself from the world you have.

the irony of man: you want yet you don't want. you need yet you don't want to need.

release me from my shackles and set me free. i want not to hurt no one. just let me fade to black for now and settle my thoughts so that one day i might return stronger and surer. but then again, when i return, my chance may have gone and left long ago.....

close my eyes and shut myself out. i shall run no more.