sigh shaun! yeh i know what you're going thru. i've been through that and back, and its no easy task. i'm a free thinker, but maybe this quote would help :

God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,

courage to change the things i can,

and wisdom to know the difference.

it pulled me through my darkest hour, and is still helping me with my struggles now. shaun you must know its really up to you.

we all love you!